This Burns My Heart Page 0,121

things didn’t go right for us in Korea, but America will give us a new beginning. We’ll get it right this time.”

“No, America won’t make any difference,” snapped Soo-Ja, interrupting him. “You are still going to be you, and I’m still going to be me. Can’t you see that?”

“It’s not just being in America. It’s being away from Korea. It’s being away from…” Min trailed off, stopping short of saying his nemesis’s name.

So he’s trying to separate Yul and me, thought Soo-Ja.

“It is our only hope, Soo-Ja. It is the only way our marriage can survive.”

You’re wrong, thought Soo-Ja. Yul is not the reason our marriage is the way it is.

“How many times do I need to tell you, Yul and I are not together,” said Soo-Ja.

This did not seem to convince Min. “Hana and I are waiting for you here. We’ve left you money for a plane ticket. I don’t know how long it’ll take you to get a visa. Maybe a week, maybe a month,” said Min, irritation in his voice.

“Put Hana on the phone,” said Soo-Ja.

“No. You’re going to try to—”

“Put her on the phone!”

“No. I can’t. It’s for her own good.”

Soo-Ja felt the night grab at her, and she closed her eyes, to make herself blind. She hung up the phone and slammed it on the floor. The sound of a busy signal punctured the air.

“What do you think is going to happen when you get there?” asked Yul, looking somber. He was driving Soo-Ja to the airport in his gray Kia Brisa, making his way toward the departure lanes. He had not spoken to Soo-Ja since the Lunar New Year’s Eve celebrations.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead,” said Soo-Ja, looking out the window, her energy completely drained. A light drizzle had begun, and drops of rain hit noisily against the glass pane.

“What did they say when you called them?”

“I don’t want to go over it again,” said Soo-Ja. “But clearly Min thinks it’s up to the husband to decide where to raise the children.”

“He wants to stay there?”

“Does it matter? He won’t get to.”

“So you’re bringing them both back?” asked Yul, skeptical.

“Of course,” said Soo-Ja testily.

“What if Hana doesn’t want to return? Are you going to stay in the U.S.?”

“A child can’t dictate where her mother will live,” said Soo-Ja.

“Well, if she’s anything like her mother…” Yul smiled kindly at Soo-Ja, but she could not muster a smile back. Yul slowed toward the curb and parked the car. He looked at the rain, the clouds, and the bad visibility. It wasn’t a good day to fly. “Will you call me when you get there?”

“Your wife is not going to like it.”

Yul glanced at the planes landing in the distance.

Soo-Ja looked at him, noticed his reticence—he wanted to tell her something, but he was holding back. “What?” asked Soo-Ja, placing her hand on the door handle.

“Nothing, I’ll tell you when you get back.”

“How’s Eun-Mee?”

“I’ll tell you when you get back,” Yul repeated, like a mantra. He turned off the windshield wiper and the engine. The glass pane soon became covered with rain, drops coming from all directions.

Soo-Ja kept her hand on the door handle, without opening it. “Did she leave you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Soo-Ja sighed. “This is a wakeup call for me. To stop indulging in fantasies. Min is helping me. That’s what he’s doing.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that whatever is happening between you and me has to end. Min could use it against me in a divorce. The judge would never let me keep Hana if he learned I’ve been unfaithful.”

“You’re missing an important detail. You have not been unfaithful.”

“Yes, but I can’t take the risk, can I? Hana is more important to me than anything else in my life, including you.”

“So… I should drive away knowing not to keep my hopes up,” said Yul weakly.

“I’m sorry, Yul.”

“This is the end, then?”

“Yes. This is the end,” said Soo-Ja, swallowing. She felt a tear run down her left cheek, and she wiped it off with the back of her hand. She kept her face away from Yul—if she did not have to look at him, she could do this.

Color drained from Yul’s face, and he nodded slightly. “I wondered why you asked me to drive you here. This is why, isn’t it? You wanted a chance to tell me this?”

“That’s not why I asked you, but now that I think about it, I guess I owe you