This Burns My Heart Page 0,113

able to rest is when you get old, and no one gives you a second look. Then nobody will want you, and I won’t have to worry,” he said.

“That day will come soon,” said Soo-Ja sharply.

“From now on, when you walk on the street, keep your head down. I don’t want men to see your face,” said Min. “And no more skirts. And take off that jewelry you wear. You’re not a girl anymore. You’re not single.”

“You know who you sound like?” asked Soo-Ja, without hiding the chill in her voice.

“They were right about you. I never regret listening to my parents. They’re me. I talk to them and I hear myself. I should never have let you separate me from them.”

Min blew his nose, and Soo-Ja wondered if he was crying. In the dark, she couldn’t tell.

“You think it’s hard being you, or being Yul?” he continued. “Imagine being me, or Eun-Mee. If you had to choose, would you rather be yourself or be Eun-Mee?”

Soo-Ja wondered at that moment what it was like to be Min. When friends greeted them, they always greeted her first. When guests at the hotel passed by him, they did not nod or say hello. When they went to church, no one sat next to him. His invisibility wasn’t her fault, but surely it had grown worse after years hiding behind her strength. She wondered if Min would have been happier with a quiet, shy woman who would let him shine. A plump, stout wife who’d be thankful to have him, constantly cooking him his favorite dishes. He might have been happy, once, to have her as his captive, but over time he must have realized he was as bound as she was. The thing about capturing a prize fish is that everyone admires the fish, and soon forgets about the fisherman. You love the thing that makes you special, then hate it because it’s the thing that makes you special.

The next day, Min refused to take the train to Daegu for the Seollal holiday. He also refused to let Soo-Ja and Hana go without him. Seollal was Hana’s favorite holiday, when the entire extended family gathered to celebrate the Lunar New Year. Hana loved the sight of all the tables filled with food, as they feasted on mung-bean pancakes, steamed rice cakes, freshly cut apples and pears, sweet rice flavored with dates and honey, cinnamon punch, and rice nectar. She especially loved the ceremonial bow made to the elders, as the children wished them good luck in the New Year, and were rewarded with money in white envelopes. Hana was heartbroken when her father told her they wouldn’t be going south that year. She took this hard; with every passing year, she’d worry that it would be the last chance she got to see her grandfather. Soo-Ja told Min as much, but Min did not express much sympathy, as he was deprived of his own father as well.

chapter sixteen

“I’m surprised to find you at home. Everyone’s left town for Seollal,” said Gi-yong on the phone. They had not seen each other in weeks, but Soo-Ja could easily picture his smarmy smile, his blue vicuña overcoat, and his cramped office with secondhand furniture. She was surprised to hear from him; she did not expect to sell the land for at least ten years.

“It’s a long story,” said Soo-Ja, sitting at the front desk.

“Well, I’m glad I caught you. I have news for you.”

“You do?” asked Soo-Ja, intrigued.

“My hopes of making you my mistress are over,” said Gi-yong. “You’re going to be a rich woman, Soo-Ja.”

“What do you mean?” asked Soo-Ja, her fingers nervously intertwining with the coils of the phone cord.

“The government wants to develop your land,” said Gi-yong, rolling each word around his tongue like a lollipop.

“It does?”

“Yes. It wants to buy your land and start erecting buildings there.”

“How much are they offering?”

“Five thousand won per pyeong.”

“What? That’s ten times what I paid for the land!”

“Yes, but you paid for an empty lot in the middle of nowhere. They’re paying for what’s now officially the site of a planned commercial zone. It’s still a bargain to them. We’re hoping big business will follow their lead and turn the area into a commercial center. I’ve said this all along, Seoul is too congested. The city can’t handle the traffic and the crowds.”

“I can’t believe it. This is wonderful.” Soo-Ja started shaking her head in disbelief.

“If you sell the land, you’ll make five million won.