“And neither am I.” She leaned over and looked into his eyes. “Please believe me when I say that while you were gone, I never once hoped for anything other than your safe return. And, while you have been ill, for nothing but your recovery. And I still want that.”
“And if your hopes are fulfilled and I do recover? What then would you choose? To stay as my wife or divorce?”
“Divorce? Is that even possible?”
“It would be a first for the king of Pitoria, but given our countries are at war and your father has assassinated mine, I’m sure my lawyers could find a way. I want us to be married—I can say that simply and honestly. But I’d like a simple and honest reply.”
“They’re simple options, but that doesn’t make the choice simple. And I’m not used to being given choices. I’m used to being told what to do with my life.”
Tzsayn frowned. “Perhaps that was true once, but now you are clearly quite capable of making your own decisions.”
Catherine knotted her fingers together. What was she to do? She wanted to be queen. She was ambitious to rule, to prove that she, a woman, was just as able as any man. But did she want to be a wife too? And, if so, to whom? It felt like the answer should be obvious, and yet . . . every time she thought about it, she was drawn in all directions.
She’d been sent to Pitoria to marry Tzsayn, accepted that as her fate, and been pleasantly surprised when she met him. He was attractive, amusing, clever, kind, and nothing like any man—any person—she’d ever met. Would Tzsayn make her happy? Would this life make her happy? Was it the right choice? It seemed like the right choice until she thought of Ambrose. Just a few weeks ago her heart had been set on him.
“This is my scowl,” Tzsayn said. “I reserve its use for when you sigh in that way.”
“What way?”
“That way that you do when you think of Sir Ambrose.”
“I wasn’t thinking of him. I was thinking about you.”
“I praised you for your honesty earlier, so don’t lie now, Catherine.” Tzsayn frowned. “And don’t scowl at me either.” But now his frown turned to a wince.
Catherine half rose. “Oh dear, I’m not good for you. I’m vexing you.”
“You’re very good for me. My leg is throbbing that’s all.” He shifted position, wincing again. “Do you know what I want, Catherine? Apart from a good leg, of course. I want everything—peace, happiness, prosperity, love. I want them all and I want them with you. I believe I can give them to you. But can you give them to me? Or do you want to give them to someone else? I need to know, Catherine. Together we may rule this country and rule it well. We can defeat our enemies and live happily ever after. But you must decide if that is the life you want.”
What was the alternative? Ambrose. A quieter life. Travel. Freedom. Which was right for her?
“Another sigh,” Tzsayn commented. “Tell me, how is Sir Ambrose?”
“As I’m sure Davyon has already told you, he’s recovered from his injuries and is about to lead a mission to the demon world.”
“And I genuinely am glad for his recovery and wish him success on his mission. He’s a good soldier and a good man. He’ll wait for you to make your decision, if he’s worthy. And I will too, Catherine. But neither of us will wait forever. Which brings me to another subject I wanted to discuss. I’m king now and I must have a coronation, the formalities must still be followed even in war. I should return to Tornia for the ceremony.”
This time Catherine rose completely. “You cannot travel in your condition!”
“Calm yourself, Catherine. I was about to say that I’ll have the ceremony here instead. It’ll be a good opportunity to bring together the people of the north in celebration and recognition of all they have done in the last few months.”
“As long as you’re well enough.”
“I’ll be fine. We can keep the ceremony short and simple. What’s there to arrange but a few words and a crown?”
Catherine wasn’t totally convinced but she tried to joke. “Well, I suppose that’ll keep costs down, and we must watch every kopek.”
“Apart from that, there is something else to consider,” Tzsayn said. “Should there be one crown or two? If I am