Burn Down the Night (Everything I Left Unsaid #3)- Molly O'Keefe Page 0,58

no choice is kind of a theme in my life, in case you’re wondering.”

“I’m familiar with the situation.”

“Anyway, I practically dragged her out to this farm. We met Lagan. We met the other women who lived out there and I was so…” I blinked, realizing the burn in my eyes were tears. “I was so ready to stop moving. So ready to stop being desperate, I didn’t even question why there were almost no men. When Lagan gave me attention I ate it up. With a spoon, I ate it up.”

“He said…in the club…that he hurt you.” He wasn’t eating anymore. He’d put his plate down in the harsh Florida grass, the blood from his steak draining into the ground.

I blew out a ragged, low breath. “He didn’t hurt me,” I said, like I was trying to convince him I couldn’t be hurt. I could be bruised. But I couldn’t be hurt. Maybe this was a lie I told myself so many times I believed it. But whatever—it was true when it came to Lagan. “But the sex was…mean in a way. But I ate that up, too.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod. Maybe he did know. If anyone in my life would understand my need to punish myself, he would.

“Did he make you wear a bonnet?” he asked, being callous, but trying to be funny at the same time. I appreciated that.

“No. No bonnets. No weird dresses.”

“What made you leave?”

“I found out about the drugs. He had most of us working at normal shit. Jennifer was taking care of all the little kids. I cooked—”

He scoffed.

“I baked bread, asshole,” I said with a smile. “Like for real. You should be so lucky as to have some of my bread.” I had forgotten that. Those brief weeks in the hot kitchen with the oven and my hands buried in dough. Gwen—the woman who brought me into the camp—she told me I had a knack for it. And I’d eaten that up with a spoon, too.

“For a few weeks at that camp, before the sex and before I found out about the drugs, I’d been really happy. Maybe for the only time in my life.”

“But then you found the drugs?”

“Yeah, some of the women and all the men worked in these other buildings. We didn’t go near them. We definitely got the vibe we shouldn’t go near them. But one day, after we’d been there for about three months, Gwen told me I was done baking and I had to report to Lagan in one of those buildings.”

“I know where this is going—”

“They were cooking meth. Lots of it. And it was like someone just ripped the blinders off. I stood in this shack, surrounded by high school science equipment and I realized what I’d gotten us into.”

“So, you bailed?”

“Not at first. I went back and told Jennifer we had to leave, and she was so pissed I wanted to leave. We’d been bouncing around what seemed like our entire lives, and she just wanted to stay put. So I had this big plan that I would leave, and I would get the cops and I’d rescue my sister and the rest of these women who’d been brainwashed.

“So, I told Lagan I wanted to leave. I made up some story about going back to nursing school, I don’t even remember now. I was so scared, I was sweating so hard I could feel it in my shoes. I was sure he was going to beat the crap out of me or…something. I was totally surprised when Lagan told me I was free to go. But that the camp would move after I left. And that I would never be welcomed back. That I would never see Jennifer again—and I didn’t really believe him, you know. I was so sure I could get to the cops and I’d save Jennifer and Gwen and everyone else. And it was like he knew what I was thinking. And he probably did; he always seemed to see into my brain better than anyone else. So, for his grand finale, while I watched, he asked all the women to take out those pills he gave them if the cops came.”

“Jesus.”

“He told Jennifer to put one in her mouth and I was freaking out and screaming at her not to do it. But she did it. She didn’t swallow it. She just held it in her teeth like she was a dog