it out slowly, and drops his spoon. It clatters against the side of his bowl. “Contrary to what Capone says, she’s not a peach.”
“I figured as much.” I nod toward the loft. “The ring…”
“Yeah, it was hers. We were engaged. We met in college, and I guess I thought she was the one. I thought wrong.”
“She hurt you.”
“She loved the idea of the farm, the apiary, the country living, until she actually had to do it. She moved in here after we were engaged for a few months. Mom and the guys grew fond of her, and when she left here, she didn’t just leave me; she left us all. I hated seeing the hurt on my family’s face. I don’t ever want to do that to them again. City girls like her…” He cringes as his words trail off. “Wait, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” I say, knowing exactly what he means. I guess I’ve also said a few things that have hit sore spots for him. Everyone is judged by who they are and who they aren’t. “So now you’re careful who you bring into your life.”
“Yeah.”
“I can appreciate that. I’m careful, too, and I don’t want to find myself with someone until I find myself,” I say, wishing I didn’t feel all the things for this man and knowing I do and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. We’re both a little broken, a little lost, but at least he’s found his passion in what he does. “You shouldn’t let one bad relationship turn you off all relationships.”
“I wouldn’t exactly say it has. What we’re doing here is a sex-only relationship,” he says.
“Okay, I get it; you’re not off all relationships, just serious ones.”
He goes quiet, pensive, then finally says, “I have a lot to do, a lot to consider, Alyson.”
“I know, me, too. I just think you’d be a great husband and a great father. I see how you are with your brothers.”
“Says the girl not looking for anything serious, either.”
I grin. “Touché.”
“Juanita didn’t even last a month here. She didn’t like the work, the bugs, or the bees.”
“I get it, Jay. You think all city girls are the same.”
“I assume a leopard can changes its spots, you know?”
“That’s a bit of a blanket statement.”
He rolls one shoulder. “She begged me to move to the city with her.”
“Why didn’t you?”
His gaze lifts, and he looks at me like I have a pitchfork coming out of my forehead. “I have to be here,” he says.
“Why?” I pick up my spoon, toy with my cereal.
His brow furrows. “I promised my dad I’d take care of things.”
I reach across the table and take his hand. “You said a few days ago that you owed him that. What did you mean?” He goes quiet for a long time; the only audible sound in the room is the ticking of the clock.
“He was a good man,” he finally says and touches the scar on his face. “But I wasn’t a good son.” I go quiet, wait for him to elaborate. “Farming is hard.” He glances at me, and I nod, knowing and respecting the work done here firsthand now. “I was the oldest and was supposed to be here to help. Instead, I got into a lot of shit, a lot of fights, and spent a few nights in lockup.”
“The scar?”
“Yeah, all from that.”
My heart goes out to him. “You were just a kid. Kids mess up. Heck, look at me. I’m twenty-seven, and I’m still messing up.”
“No, Alyson, I’m the one who messed up. Royally,” he says so quietly, his voice so thick with regret. Jeez, is he still talking about his teenage years?
“But you’re doing a great job now.”
“If I was here sooner, Dad might not have died. He worked himself to death. Had a heart attack. If I hadn’t—”
“Jay, your father didn’t die because of you. You can’t own that.” He looks so sad, so gut-wrenchingly lost, my heart pinches tight.
His frown deepens, regret radiating off him in waves. “Maybe if I—”
“No, Jay. No maybes. You were a kid doing what kids do. Look at Tyler. He still goes out, parties, and has fun. You allow him to do those things. You give your brothers freedom, and everyone needs that to grow up. You had to have your wild years for growth, and you just told me I needed to make mistakes and take chances. That’s all you were doing,” I say.