be the last person to wish us to give in to our emotions. She had no time for self-indulgence.”
“Unless it was her own,” Clarice said under her breath. Dominic heard, but he hoped no one else had. He reached out sideways with one foot and kicked her sharply under the table.
She gasped as the toe of his shoe caught her ankle, but she knew better than to make any sound.
“Of course,” Dominic said aloud, “I shall be making the usual calls on parishioners tomorrow. Are there any errands I can do for anyone?”
“Thank you,” Vita accepted. “I am sure there are several things. Perhaps if you go near the haberdasher’s you could get some black ribbon.”
“Yes, of course. How much?”
“I think a dozen yards, thank you.”
He tried to think of something else normal to say, but nothing came to mind. It all sounded stilted and callous. He was aware of Tryphena looking at him with loathing, and Mallory studiously avoiding saying anything at all. It seemed he and Vita must carry on the conversation to prevent the silence from becoming unbearable.
“I shall write the appropriate letters tomorrow,” Vita went on, looking across the table at him, her eyes wide. “I shall ask Ramsay, of course, but I think as things are he may consider it more suitable for you to find out what the formalities are.”
“We all know what the formalities are, Mother!” Mallory jerked his head up. “We were practically born in the church. We know church rituals—breakfast, luncheon and dinner!”
“Not with the church, Mallory,” she corrected. “With Superintendent Pitt.”
Mallory flushed dull red and said nothing, bending to concentrate on his food, although he ate hardly any of it.
This time the silence was beyond rescue. Vita looked across at Dominic, but with resignation.
When he could decently escape, and knowing he could put it off no longer, Dominic left the dining room and went up to Ramsay’s study. If he hesitated he would lose his nerve. Surely if he had the calling he imagined, no situation should be beyond his ability to face it with honesty and a degree of kindness.
He knocked.
The answer was immediate. “Come in.”
Now he was committed. He opened the door.
Ramsay was sitting at his desk. He seemed almost relieved to recognize Dominic. Perhaps he had feared an encounter with one of his own family more.
“Come in, Dominic.” He waved towards one of the other chairs and marked the book he was reading with a loose piece of paper, then closed it. “It’s been a truly terrible day. How are you?”
Dominic sat down. It was difficult to begin. Ramsay was behaving as if there had been a simple domestic accident and Tryphena’s accusations were no more than the product of grief.
“I admit, I feel very distressed,” Dominic said frankly.
“Of course you do,” Ramsay agreed, frowning and fiddling with a pencil that lay between his hands on the desk. “Death is always a shock, especially of one so young and whom we all are accustomed to seeing daily. She was a very trying person, at times, but no one would have wished this upon her. I grieve that it happened so soon after I had quarreled with her.” He met Dominic’s gaze quite steadily. “It leaves me with a feeling of guilt because one cannot repair it. Foolish, I know.” His lips tightened. “My reason tells me not to feel such things, but the sadness remains.” He sighed. “I am afraid Tryphena is going to take it very badly. She had a great fondness for her. I did not approve of it, but there was nothing I could do.” He looked tired, as if he had been struggling for a long time and saw no end in sight, certainly no victory.
“Yes, she is.” Dominic nodded. “And she is very angry.”
“A common part of grief. It will pass.” Ramsay spoke with certainty, but of a flat, comfortless kind. There was no lift of hope in it for better times.
“I’m so sorry,” Dominic said impulsively. “I wish I could say something that would make sense of it, but all I can do is repeat what you said to me in my worst despair.” It still touched him deeply. “Take each day at a time, cling onto the faith of your own worth and build on it, no matter how slowly or how little each step. You cannot go backward. Have the courage to go forward well. At the end of each day, praise yourself for that, and then let go