Brothersong (Green Creek #4) - T.J. Klune Page 0,68
better than anyone. Robbie was taken from us. Taken from me. For thirteen months, I did all I could to get him back. And even when half the pack was against it or, even worse, apathetic about it, I fought for him.”
I couldn’t look at him. I struggled to find the words. I said, “You weren’t alone. Gordo, Ox. They—”
“I don’t care!” he shouted at me. “Even if I was, I still would have done everything I could. I was never going to let him go. He’s my fucking mate, and I would have torn this world apart to get to him, even if I had to do it by myself. And don’t you dare try and say that’s what you were doing here because it’s not the same. You had your entire pack willing to help you, to do anything we could to get Gavin back. But you decided to play martyr. Like Dad. Like Ox. Like Joe. Jesus Christ, you were supposed to be better. You were supposed to—”
I stood. His chest bumped into mine. He didn’t look away. He wasn’t scared of me. He wasn’t intimidated. “You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
“Damn right I don’t,” he snarled. He shoved me, and I took a stumbling step back. “Because you got it into that fucking thick skull of yours that you had to do this on your own. Let me guess. You convinced yourself that it was better this way. Easier. That no one else would get hurt if you could find him on your own.”
He wasn’t wrong. Those days following the battle in Caswell were a haze. I felt like I was disappearing, fading into the background.
Kelly shook his head like he was disgusted. “We always try to have one fucking minute where we can breathe without worrying about what is coming next. Monsters. Hunters. Feral wolves. I never thought I’d have to face you abandoning our pack. Abandoning me.”
I reached for him again. He wouldn’t look at me. “Kelly, I need you. I love you.”
His eyes were wet when he said, “You promised. You promised it would always be you and me. You promised.”
And I said, “I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—”
He punched me in the mouth. I didn’t see it coming. His fist smashed just below my nose, and my lip split as I stepped back, my knees hitting the edge of the bed. He looked shocked by what he’d done. I wiped the blood from my mouth with the back of my hand. It was bright red, a smear that looked like our mother’s paint.
His eyes were wide.
He was panting.
The skin on his knuckles was split. They healed slowly.
He said, “I love you so much I can barely breathe. You were always supposed to be there for me. Like I always tried to be there for you. How could you leave me?” His face crumpled, and I thought I was dying. “Didn’t you know what it would do to me?”
I grabbed his hand. He tried to pull away again, but it was halfhearted. He sounded like he was choking, his shoulders hunched up near his ears. He bowed his head against my chest, and I held on for dear life. His fingers tightened against my own, and it was a tether, an anchor, holding me down, keeping me from drifting away.
I said, “I never wanted to be away from you.”
He said, “You left, you left, you left.”
I said, “You were always with me. No matter where I went, you were there.”
He said, “Ah, god, please.”
I said, “I howled for you. Every moon. Just like I said I would. I sang, Kelly. I sang for you because I needed you to hear me.”
He said, “I found you. I found you.”
I said, “I’m sorry. I should have believed in you more. I should have trusted you more. I should have—” But whatever else I could have said was lost when he hugged me, when he wrapped himself around me like he was never going to let me go. He sobbed against my neck, and I swallowed thickly, eyes burning.
“I’m so angry with you,” he whispered. “And I don’t know how to stop.”
“I know,” I whispered back. “And I don’t know how to make you stop.”
“Don’t. Don’t take this away from me too. Let me have it. It’s mine.”
The door opened.
I looked over Kelly’s shoulder.
Joe was there, watching the two of us, a strange look on his face.