Brothersong (Green Creek #4) - T.J. Klune Page 0,128
an entire world on their shoulders. To let them deal with all of it.”
“We tried that already,” I said quietly. “Remember? Michelle. And look how that turned out.”
He shook his head. “I know. But I don’t know if I want to be a king. And I don’t know if you want to be princes.”
Kelly turned his head, his hair tickling my nose. “Do we even have a choice?”
“Sometimes I don’t think we do,” Joe muttered. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. I know how things are. I know how they have to be. And I’ll do it because I have to.”
“You have us,” I told him.
“I know,” he said. “And I need that, Carter. The both of you. I know I’m not….”
And even though I was scared, I said, “Say it.”
He was blue. His voice was small and fragile when he said, “When you left. You… made that video for Kelly. You talked about how much you loved him and how much you needed him, and I was hurting because you were gone, but I was hurting because I kept thinking what about me? Didn’t you love me just as much?” He was trembling, and my eyes stung. “I know you did. I know you do now. And I know that you and Kelly have always been close, but I’m your brother too. I hated myself for it. I could see the look on your face, how lost you were. And yet… what about me?”
Oh god. “Joe. Joe. That’s not—”
He said, “I love you. The both of you, more than I could ever put into words. I’m your Alpha, like I’m the Alpha to almost every wolf. But sometimes I just want to be your little brother. To not have to worry about anything else. I want to love Ox without wondering if he’s going to be taken from me. I want to love Mom and show her everything we’ve done hasn’t been in vain. And I want to know that I matter to you. I know you’re each other’s tethers. I get that. I know how important a tether is. Is it everything, though? You two were here first. You have this bond that I can’t have. I just want you to see me. To know that I’m still here and not just as your Alpha.”
“You do matter,” I told him, and my voice cracked right down the middle. “You do. Joe, I’m so sorry. I never thought—it wasn’t meant to be like that. I wasn’t thinking. I was lost in my head. Everything was falling apart. Gavin was… gone. And I didn’t do enough to stop him from leaving. I blamed myself for that. If only I could have been stronger. If only I could have been more.” I tugged on his hair. He shuddered. He shook. He quaked, and I said, “You’ve always been strong. I told myself it was because of what you were, of what Dad made you into. You weren’t like us, or so I thought. And that wasn’t right. You were put on this pedestal, and it wasn’t fair. Joe, I love you just as much as I love Kelly. I failed you if you ever doubted that, and that’s on me. You did nothing wrong.”
Kelly said, “We’re in awe of you, Joe, and everything that you’ve done. If Ox is a unifier, it’s only because he has you. If we’ve survived as long as we have, it’s because you led us. We followed you into the dark when Richard Collins took from us. When Elijah came. When Caswell fell. We would follow you anywhere. No matter what you do, no matter if you’re our Alpha or not, we’re always going to be with you.”
Joe sniffled, rubbing his face against my stomach. “I know. It’s just nice to hear it. It’s lonely being an Alpha. Dad never told me how lonely it could be. I wish he had. Even with Ox, it feels like I’m on an island and no one can get to me.” He laughed wetly. “Stupid, right?”
“No,” I whispered. “It’s not stupid.”
“I wish….” Joe stopped. He frowned. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t,” I told him. “Say it. Say it all.”
He took a deep breath. “I wish Dad had never been an Alpha.”
And there it was. Out in the open. A thought we’d all had at one point or another, spoken aloud and laid bare. It wasn’t fair, but then life never really is. But it was Joe who had the courage to speak