I turn to him and frown. Do I want to talk about it? No, I don’t. I want to forget the last few months ever happened, but I sigh and start talking before it all chokes me.
“Missy called me this morning. She said she lost the baby,” I say tightly, guilt clawing at me.
I should have kept my cool. She was probably going through some hormonal shit last night—not actually being a complete psycho. I could have been more patient. I should have been more patient.
Remi gives me a nod. He and Ramses are the only ones I’ve told about Missy and the baby. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my brothers.
I don’t want Wyatt and Noah to be disappointed in me and I couldn’t stand for my younger brothers to know that I was irresponsible. They look up to me.
“I thought I’d be relieved or something, but all I feel is guilt. I wasn’t there for her and the baby is gone. The last three months have been nothing but stress, but I still should have at least been there,” I say.
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You have been doing your best.”
“Have I? It’s no secret that I didn’t want to enter a relationship with her. I’ve been acting as her boyfriend for the last three months and I’ve been miserable.”
Miserable because nothing has changed. Everything I’ve come to understand about Missy has only been magnified. We’re not compatible at all. I question what she was doing at that party we met at in the first place.
Then there’s that feeling still tugging at my soul. That knowing that someone is out there that is a match for all my desires and needs. It’s starting to feel like I’m drowning, waiting to find her.
“Maybe things can go back to normal now,” he says.
I pull a face, twist my lips to the side. “That’s the thing. Will it go back to normal?
“She’s been calling all day. I stopped in to check on her. It felt like the right thing to do, but when I got there it… something was off and I was uncomfortable… I don’t know. I left to clear my head,” I grumble.
I feel like a pussy. I should be facing this head on. Missy needs someone now that she’s dealing with this loss. I know she doesn’t have any family. She was so excited about the baby.
As if speaking to my thoughts, Remi says. “And here you sit.”
I look at the scene before me. The gorgeous redhead would have turned me on any other night as she gives herself over to Ramses. They make for a captivating scene. My head just isn’t here.
“Honestly, I don’t know what brought me here.”
“This is where you think, where you thrive. I’m not surprised that you’ve come here.”
I grunt and reach for my scotch. The smooth burn reminds me of simpler times. Times when I came and went as I pleased.
“Do you know I’ve never been in love?” I blurt out.
I turn to see the expression on Remi’s face. His amber eyes are focused on me. His face is unreadable.
“You want to know something I’ve learned about love?”
“What’s that?” I say.
“It can be cruel. We think we want it… that it’s necessary to our happiness. Yet when we find it, it takes our souls and sucks away our happiness with it. Love, my friend, is overrated.”
“That, my friend, sounds like there’s a story behind it.” I give a chuckle and take another sip.
He shrugs. “We all have our stories. I think you should take this as a sign from Allah. Take this time to reset.
“Follow what your instincts tell you. You have a way of always getting things to work out the way you want. I don’t think this will be any different.”
I snort but say nothing more. I try to train my focus back on the scene before me. I’m almost lost in the moment until my phone buzzes.
Fucking great, she’s not going to give me time to process this. Again, it comes to me that something isn’t adding up, but I don’t know if she’s in the right state of mind for me to ask questions. Maybe I should ask anyway.
Don’t be a dick, John.
How is this my life?
Chapter 5
Not Happening
Roni
It’s burning hot as I sit in the back of the car on my way to my aunt’s home. It’s been a while since I’ve been to DR. I