The Broody Brit for Christmas (Holiday Springs #1) - M.J. Fields Page 0,55
for you, I’ll never be the same…”
When I see her knee bouncing to the beat and a smile tug the corner of her lips, the verbal constipation is nearly killing me.
The next song taunts me. I shift my gaze to the sadistic sound box and wish I had the ability to shoot laser beams from my eyes and fry it. But because I have none of those abilities, and I realize I’m borderline losing my shit, which I have never done in my life, not even when we lost Hope, I keep it together.
Logic over emotion. I reach up and turn the volume down, and the song plays on.
‘You tell all the boys no, makes you feel good, yeah, I know you're out of my league. But that won't scare me away, oh no. You've carried on so long. You couldn't stop if you tried it. You've built your wall so high. That no one could climb it. But I'm gonna try.’
Nikki turns to me. “About a mile up, there’s an old logging trail. Could you pull over and see if it’s still there?”
I nod. “Sure.”
When Sam Smith begins to sing, “Too Good at Goodbye,” my resolve splinters into a million tiny pieces, and I can’t hold back. “This is getting absurd, Nikki.”
Her head turns so she’s looking at me.
“The day we met—”
She interrupts me, pointing forward. “It’s up here, just a little bit.”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
She shakes her head, no. “Like, right here.”
I hold my hand in front of her as I hit the brakes just in time to pull into the spot she’s so dead set on seeing.
I slow down.
“See how far in you can drive without hurting your car, of course.” She clicks her seat belt off. “Here’s good.” Her voice shakes.
I slam it in park and turn toward her. “The day I met you, the circumstances we met under should have rendered any sort of feelings useless.”
She opens the door quickly and steps out.
I take off my belt and walk out of the car. “It was Hope’s birthday.”
Her lower lip pouts out a bit, concerned.
“We celebrate that day. My son, the one you’re so concerned with, holds a party with cake and candles, and he tells us all what she would wish, or gift us if she were alive. He might as well have painted me a picture. So, he’s not a problem.”
“I never said he was!” she screams at me. “People leave me or push me away. It’s not him. It’s not you. It’s me.” She points at her chest.
“That’s absurd, Nikki. I’m all but one promise of forever because I trust my feelings. I’ve never felt such an instant spark followed by a deep connection, and you’re afraid to admit that you feel it, too.”
“Oh my God, Raff, I’m here, aren’t I? Crazy as this all sounds, I know what I feel, but the past proves that maybe I shouldn’t trust my feelings.”
“Fuck the past! It’s gone. But don’t you dare piss on the future.”
She shakes her head, exasperated. “I’m not. If anything, I’m trying to protect it.”
“Nathaniel doesn’t need protecting.”
“Well, his rich prick British, hot as fuck daddy needs to realize that I need to slow this down for him and for me. And if he keeps telling me that Nathaniel isn’t my concern, then he’s proving my point.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You and Nathaniel are a package. Jenny—”
“Of course, Jenny. Her husband warned me—”
“Would you be quiet and listen?”
“I’m not quite sure I’m capable of that right now. And I’ve never been incapable of holding anything inside—until you.”
She smiles and then shakes her head.
I cross my arms over my chest. “This is not one-bit amusing to me.”
“No, but it sure makes me feel better about us.” She walks to the back of the car. “I want to build a relationship with him, not just bombard him.”
I follow her. “Then be there. Be next door.”
She puts her hands over her face. “Can’t we give it a month at least, for God’s sake?”
“And waste time?”
“No, Raff, it’s not wasting time. It’s building a foundation.” She laughs. “I want Nathaniel and me to go on dates.”
Completely confused, I ask, “What?”
“Jenny mentioned.” I start to interject, and she holds up her hand, stopping me. “If something happened to her, she’d want the boys to get to know and like anyone who came into their lives. She’d want them to feel like they had a choice in the matter before just moving in.”