her. One was sitting nearby. The shooters were aiming for Summer. That’s how I knew they wanted me to come after them. No one hits another man’s child and doesn’t expect revenge.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he says, defusing his anger a little. “You didn’t send them. You weren’t involved with Fuse. This shit with Shasta has nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”
Bronco’s anger cracks a little more at the edges, and I see him hurting. “I couldn’t protect my child in my town. That’s never going away. You asking about it or not won’t fix how I failed her.”
“But it’s not your fault.”
“Doesn’t matter. Summer got stuck with the shittiest mom of my girls. She was the one who took the bullet. I feel like I let her down. Wouldn’t you if you were me?”
“I don’t know. I let Kenny sell Desi’s toys. I didn’t know for sure that he did, and I just let it go. Desi acted like she didn’t care. She’s so positive all the time, and I didn’t want to fight Kenny. I was weak, and she suffered. I’m not in the position to judge you.”
Bronco’s expression goes a little blank. “Is that what you do when on the spot?” he asks and gestures toward me. “Turn the guilt back on you.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’m trying to be honest.”
“Look, Lana, there’s nothing I can say that’ll make what happened right in your head. But from my point of view, Ramona came here willingly. I don’t know if the Skullz or Fuse threatened her, but she didn’t ask to leave once she was in Elko. I made clear about the rules with her.”
He takes a deep breath as his gaze hardens again. “The man that hurt Ramona was my Sergeant at Arms. I don’t know if you understand what that means, but I trusted Pinball. There was no reason to think he wouldn’t follow the rules I laid out. I won’t apologize for not supervising the entire three days. Summer needed me with her. Then, once I learned my longtime friend created trouble for the club, I handed him over to River. Pinball had kids who I see every day. They know I gave their father to the Reapers to die. You can think I’m an asshole, but I paid a price for the shit with Ramona.”
His words leave me wanting to hide in my head. The world reeks with suffering, and I’m not good at facing the ugliness around me.
“When you kiss me,” I whisper, afraid to speak up, “I feel as if everything is so easy. Then seeing you in the playroom with the girls, I convince myself how you live a normal life, and I don’t have to worry about the club stuff. But I’m not sure I’m strong enough to face what you face.”
Bronco relaxes his arms. Now he’s back to his easygoing demeanor that fools me into thinking he’s just a sexy dad with a close group of motorcycle-riding friends. When I see him holding Carina with ease, I can’t imagine him killing people or causing suffering.
“Then don’t face it,” he says, stepping closer. “You don’t need to know about the business. The past with the Skullz doesn’t affect your future.”
“You wanted me to know,” I say, suddenly finding my spine. “You got angry last weekend when you realized I didn’t.”
Nodding, Bronco erases a little more space between us. “Because I knew you’d have this reaction, and I’d be expected to explain myself. I’m not accustomed to apologizing for my actions, even my mistakes.”
Stepping closer again, he lowers his voice. “I also wondered why you didn’t already know. I thought you might be lying. I’ve spent my entire life worrying about getting stabbed in the back. I pushed you away because I worried my feelings for you were making me weak.”
Bronco exhales, seeming calmer still. “But nothing’s changed from when you arrived today. I still want you, and I know you want me. We’re giving this thing a try, even if you feel overwhelmed or flat-out terrified. Because I sense you didn’t arrive at this moment after a lifetime of fucking rainbows and pots of gold. You got here the way I did, by shoving your painful shit down deep to keep you moving forward. Well, we’re at the point where the good shit happens. I’m too greedy to walk away from that.”
“I want to tell you no,” I say, trying to sound calm. “I feel