feelings for Bronco, I feel myself wanting to hide in my shell like a terrified turtle. When Desi was little, I tended to let Kenny be the fun, warm parent. I didn’t know how to give her what she needed, and she seemed happier with him.
Then I moved in with Max. My sister might be an anxious nerd, but she also knows how to offer lots of affection. I started watching her reaction to her friends and River. The way she sensed someone could use a hug or even a brief touch. Then she offered what they needed, never holding back. If my insanely shy sister can offer affection so easily, I could learn to do it too.
Sensing Desi’s a little rattled after the last few days, I stroke her cheek. She smiles at me, and her gaze holds mine.
“I was proud of how well behaved you were,” I say, feeling silly for pointing out the obvious, but people need praise. I forget that sometimes. Especially with Desi, who is always smiling and talking as if nothing bothers her. “I’m glad you had fun.”
“Sidonie isn’t a crybaby,” Desi announces, getting serious. “She’s just scared like Aunt Max.”
“I know. You were very sweet to her.”
“How come she doesn’t have a mom?”
“I don’t know,” I lie rather than try to explain to Desi why certain people are awful. “We’ll buy you a swimsuit this week.”
“Sidonie’s suit is pink. She loves that color. Her room is so beautiful.”
“Do you want to paint your room pink?”
Desi grins. “Can we?”
“Of course. It’s your room. We can fix it up. Your playroom too.”
Smiling, Desi turns around and looks back at Elko as we take the highway entrance. “I had fun.”
“We’ll visit a lot so Carina’s other family can see her.”
Desi’s smile fades, and she gets quiet. I assume she’s thinking about her weekend in Elko. Except normally, Desi shares her thoughts out loud. Her silence makes me uneasy. Even when she plays on her tablet, my baby feels distant.
The two-hour drive takes forever. Without Desi’s constant talking, the car remains too quiet. Mom finally puts on music while I watch Carina sleep, and Desi plays her game.
I also wonder about Bronco’s behavior the night before. He wants me to know the history between his town and mine. I did sense people were editing out details when Shelby shared the news about Carina’s father. Shane barely acknowledges the baby or me since then. I thought I imagined it, and I’ve been consumed with other issues. But now I wonder what they were keeping from me.
Asking Max seems like a mistake. Pregnant again, despite giving birth back in January, she’s overly emotional. Shelby feels like the best bet for getting information.
Once we pull my SUV into the long driveway in front of the blue Victorian, Desi begins bouncing. She wants to see the dogs and the babies.
“Goliath is here,” she says breathlessly as she undoes her seat belt. “I want to show him the pictures I took.”
Back in her usual joyful mood, Desi rushes into the house and goes looking for the dogs. I take Carina from her seat and notice my mom stretching.
“Did you not sleep well?”
“No.”
“Was it the bed or the house?”
“It was the people,” she says and sighs. “Bronco’s sisters are going to run you ragged, Maude. Every fucking weekend for years, you’ll see them, and they’ll give you shit over your job or this town or your hair. It’ll never end because that’s who they are, and that’s how they treat outsiders.”
“At some point, I’ll have to become an insider, right?”
Her blue eyes fill with worry. “Maybe, but I don’t think they let people into their circle easily.”
“Neither do we,” I mumble.
Sighing, Mom strokes my cheek before doing the same to Carina. “Bronco seems to love his girls, and he didn’t hold back with Carina. It might not always be easy for you there, but she’ll grow up feeling loved in Shasta and Elko.”
“Thanks,” I say, knowing she wants to warn me off Bronco after seeing me upset last night.
“Let’s get inside and see if we can rustle up some help for the bags.”
Shane sits in the front room turned playroom with his sons. Ramona is likely DJing at the radio station this afternoon. He looks at me and then back at his boys before saying hello. His coldness makes more sense now. There’s bad blood between his club and Bronco’s. Now he views me differently.