Leaving the girls, I find Lana checking on Carina in her crib. I don’t know if she’ll return downstairs or get ready for bed. I’m not sure which I prefer. Though dying for another taste, I’m well aware I’m moving too fast with Lana.
Barbie isn’t wrong about how I’d wait before making a club move. I was impulsive in my youth, but now I’m the guy in charge. I have more than two dozen families directly depending on my common sense. Other people outside the club rely on the Executioners too. Elko is a perfect little spot off the highway that a lot of assholes would love to claim. I can’t make dumb choices when it comes to the club.
But Lana isn’t business, and I’ve never been good at denying myself. I had nothing growing up. A little part of me is still worried I’ll end up poor again. That’s why I indulge myself. I grab everything I can now and live high on the hog.
Except I can’t allow my impulses to ruin me. Wyatt fell hard for a bad woman. I wasn’t planning on letting him become president, but she shut down any last chance he had. The woman drives away his friends and makes his family miserable. One day, they’ll have kids, and she’ll do a shit job of raising them. He let his heart rule over his mind. I get that he loves her, but she’s a dumpster fire that destroyed his life.
In a way, Lana’s more dangerous. DeAnna is the kind of person to reveal her crummy heart within minutes of meeting her. There’s nothing sneaky about her awfulness. She gets away with her bullshit because she’s hot, and her family has a little money.
Growing up in poverty, Lana learned to hide her flaws. She gets quiet rather than loud when put on the spot. Lineke is the same way. Their soft and friendly demeanors are a con. Both women have steel spines. They also hide behind their beautiful faces. There’s no telling what’s in their hearts.
That’s why I can’t assume Lana won’t turn cruel if she and I don’t work out. Carina could grow up thinking I’m the enemy. I don’t have the power to take the child either. There’s also the matter of how attached Sidonie already is to Lana and Desi. What happens if I don’t give Lana what she wants? Does she break one child’s heart and turn another against me?
I honestly don’t know, which is why I watch her warily when she joins me in the kitchen. She’s changed into her sleep clothes. Despite being on edge, I immediately recall what’s hiding underneath her short robe.
Lana was very ready to mess around earlier. I can believe she’s simply interested in me. Or I can be smart and learn more about her before I assume anything.
“Should I go to bed?” she asks, scolded by my silence.
Glad to have the kitchen island between us, I only shrug. Lana immediately looks down at her hands. I expect tears next. Women rely on crying because they know that shit works. Instead, Lana lifts her gaze and fights a pout.
“I know how I feel about the night we met. How it was special for me,” she mumbles while fiddling with the tie on her robe. “But then I see that night through your eyes. How I was a stripper willing to fuck you in the back seat of my SUV. How you probably think I did it all the time. When I see that night through your eyes, I don’t think it was special at all.”
I’m a fucking idiot. Because as soon as Lana seems ready to back away from this thing between us, I change gears and get us back on track. Just the thought of losing out inspires me to toss aside my common sense.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, and she looks at me. “If you did that with a hundred guys before me, I don’t care. I wasn’t a virgin that night, Lana. We’re not kids. We have pasts. I didn’t get those girls from a stork. I fucked club bunnies. That’s the extent of my relationship experience. I screw women other men in my club also screw. I didn’t even know my daughters were mine until they were born, and tests were done. I’m not sitting here, stressing my past or what people think. You shouldn’t stress it either.”