“No,” he says, doing a poor job of hiding his lie.
“Has she told you anything useful?”
“They have a new leader. He sees through the eye of the true one and will rise up the worthy. She also said his breath smells like beets, and she thinks he can’t poop right.”
“Real sexy conversation you have with your woman there, Titan,” Lowell says, fighting laughter.
“She’s not mine.”
“But you want her to be.”
“I don’t know.”
“No, you know,” I mutter. “Quit pretending as if you can turn off the shit about yourself that isn’t convenient. You want what you want. All along, you knew that girl was trouble, but you kept going back. That means you can’t stop.”
“I’m not addicted to her,” he says as his blue eyes flare with anger.
“We’ll see.”
“I’ll stop meeting her.”
“Where do these meetings happen? I thought they couldn’t leave the Village without escorts or a buddy system?”
“Out on Redfoot Road. She’s always wandering around there.”
“Selling weed?”
“No, just walking around.” When I frown, he shrugs his big shoulders and gets defensive. “She’s weird, okay? She’s no good. I get it. I’ll stop meeting her.”
“How does she know when to meet you?” Lowell asks.
“She doesn’t. I just go out to Redfoot. She’s either there, or she isn’t. We aren’t dating, and she doesn’t have a phone.”
I sense telling Anders no about this girl will send him spiraling. He’s been good about staying clean. He still drinks beer and smokes joints when he gets a craving for his old fix. He works out a lot, and he’s honest about keeping the fucking to the weekends. I think he’s training himself how to deal with pleasure by assigning specific times to indulge.
But this girl is something he wants, and the bunnies won’t do. I can see that in his eyes. He’s on edge, close to losing control of himself. He’ll fill his need for her in some other more dangerous way if I cut him off cold turkey.
“You talk about the club with her?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“No,” he says immediately. “She doesn’t care about us. She doesn’t get what the club is really. When she asked about my vest, I told her I was an Executioner. She said we’re the men who ride the loud bicycles.”
“Then what do you talk about?” Lowell asks.
“I tell her about the stuff I eat or the plots to movies I watch. That’s what she’s curious about. Normal-people shit.”
Glancing at Lowell, I wish we could discuss the issue alone. Part of me is fucking sure I’m going soft because of Lana. She makes me crazy in a way I didn’t understand before we met. Sure, I saw Lowell go stupid for Topanga and Rooster over Bambi. Hell, all of my men fell in love, and they always seemed ridiculous to me. The over-the-top need felt like they were putting on a show.
But I get it now. Lana owns me, deep inside where I didn’t think anyone could.
And maybe that’s why I figure giving Anders some slack is the right move. Not because he’s on edge and might relapse. But because I’ve gotten romantic notions rolling around in my head. Have I lost my edge?
“You can see this girl, for now,” I say, and his eyes fill with relief. Anders needs my approval, and he understands how hiding this shit wasn’t acceptable. But he couldn’t bear losing his weirdo girlfriend.
Once I see his relief, I add, “But if the Village doesn’t pay up, and we lock them down, you can’t chance visiting her during that time. You going there creates a weakness for the club in a time when we’re putting the squeeze on them.”
“I get it.”
Anders’s quick agreement pisses me off. He’s so desperate to keep his obsession that he can’t see straight.
“Even if you think she’s going hungry during that lockdown, you can’t visit her.”
“I know,” he says, now on the spot. “No woman is worth fucking over the club.”
Nodding, I don’t buy his words. I probably would have before Lana. I lacked insight back then, thinking the club overshadowed everything else. Except I made room for my girls, and I’m now unfulfilled without Lana.
That’s why I allow Anders a little slack with this woman. He hasn’t been truly tested since becoming an Executioner. This woman and our faceoff with the Village will finally prove his long-term loyalty to the club.
LANA
A week after Max visits, our mother drives up to Elko to spend a few days. I show