the letter you wrote to FUCKING JOSH. I didn’t open it. Just held it toward the sun so I could read whatever I could get from it. You said you loved him. After I left, I spent all this time dissecting what you said, and I realized you never told him you’re in love with him. You choose words so carefully and intelligently, Luna. I knew this wasn’t a mistake. You understand the meaning of words. That’s why you don’t use them lightly. That meant I still had a chance. And I figured, I’m losing my mom. I’m not ready to lose my best friend, too. I’m not going down without a fight, Luna. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me. If it’s friendship—so be it.”
“I don’t want to be your friend anymore,” I said, pulling away to catch his gaze.
His face hardened, his lips thinning in pain. Only this time, the invincible mask didn’t harden around his face, like clay. I could see the full range of his emotions. Hurt. Terror. Anger. Annoyance.
My beautiful best friend. From whom I kept a secret. A secret about his mother.
You’re going to hell for this, Luna.
“I see.” He frowned, trying not to sulk. “That’s cool.”
But it wasn’t cool. We were never just cool. When we were together—we were blazing hot.
“I want to be your girlfriend.”
I’d never been a rebel.
Not much of a rule-breaker, either. On my best days, probably a daredevil tomboy who abided by the rules, but tiptoed around the red line of propriety.
But the combination of wanting to stick it to April, who was still in shock from the fact I could speak, and not wanting to part ways with Knight made me sneak him into my room, even though I knew it could land me into hot water. Maybe even get me kicked out of the dorm.
“Why not my hotel room?” Knight inquired on our way to my dorm.
“Because I’m done being a pushover.”
And because my room was way closer.
“Who pushed you over? I’ll maim them.”
“My roommate, April. But that one’s on me, Knight. I’m the one who’s going to deal with this.”
“Technically,” Knight murmured, his erection pressed against my ass as he rained drugging kisses all over my neck and shoulders once we’d made our way to my hallway. “The old man in the lobby told me he’d call the police if I stayed the night. But, also technically…” Knight slid his hand into the back of my panties and curled his hand around my ass, dipping a finger between my folds. “You’re damn good jailbait.”
Swallowing a fit of giggles, I unlocked the door and tiptoed inside the room. I was expecting—hoping, really—that April had opted to sleep at Ryan’s, seeing as we’d fought without properly making up. It would be perfect if she walked in the next morning and found out all the space she took in our little closet—none of it for me, my clothes were still in suitcases—was now equally divided between us. And that Knight was sound asleep beside me, just like Ryan was beside her almost every night.
My hopes were crushed when I noticed her silhouette under her covers, her back to us, her even breath telling me she was asleep. Alone.
Thank God Ryan wasn’t here. I wondered if they’d had a fight.
I motioned to Knight with my head to follow me in, closed the door, and flung myself on the lower bunk. Sliding in, I jutted my chin in invitation. He took off his shoes, neatly folded his coat and put it on the back of my chair, then slipped into bed with me. I fished out my phone to send him a text message. If we spoke, April would wake up. She was a light sleeper.
Luna: You’ll need to sneak out before she wakes up. Which is usually around ten on weekends.
Knight: K.
He was staring at his phone, but facing me. We were pressed close to each other in the snug bed, our faces glowing in our phones’ lights in the otherwise darkened room. There was so much I wanted to ask him.
Luna: So…are we?
Knight: Together?
Luna: Yeah.
He looked up from his screen, the shades of green in his irises arresting my heart. How could I ever have let him slip from my fingers? How could I have given him up? Who even cared? Love is selfish. Love is raw. Love is unfair, and unpredictable, and unstoppable.