kind of connection that could burn the world down around us. And he couldn’t afford for that to happen. Not with a daughter to take care of.
I couldn’t either.
I heard when he got back. The low voices of him and Evan. I imagined Evan relaying my message, and I wondered about Xavier’s reaction. Would he be disappointed? Angry?
Without thinking I slipped silently from my bed to the door. And for the first night since I’d arrived, I released the catch that held it open and quietly swung it closed.
The latch clicked loudly in the silence, and I laid my palms and forehead on the back of the door, breathing slowly, and counted to ten.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
XAVIER
I stood outside the closed cabin door belonging to my daughter’s nanny, staring at the wood and gripping the door frame. It didn’t escape my notice that she’d closed it for the first time since she’d arrived. She couldn’t have sent a louder message. A message my libido wasn’t hearing. My heart was in my throat as I rested my forehead gently against the varnished wood and began to count in an effort to chill the fuck out. “Un, deux, trois …”
She was giving me an out—maybe even forgiving me for crossing the line.
And I was going to respect her closed door.
I was.
And yet … and yet.
I’d revealed my attraction.
And she shared it.
I hadn’t experienced this kind of intensity in so long. Had I ever? Perhaps it was so strong because it had been so long since I’d felt anything.
Now I knew the feel of her under my hands. Her curves under that ludicrous scrap of material. The quake in her body. Those tiny sounds she made in my ear like the whimpers of a small trapped animal. The heat between her legs. The smell of her. Christ. The way she’d fallen apart just from our connection.
I’d just had the most erotic experience of my life, and no one had been naked. I felt like a sixteen-year-old again. As desperate and as clueless as one anyway.
What sounds would she make when I stripped her naked? When I flipped her onto her belly, wrapped my hands in her hair, and drove myself into her body? Fuck. My stomach clenched and my head grew light. I shook it to clear the image.
But the image remained. It got dirtier. Sweatier. Would she scream? I wanted to know. I needed to know.
I was drowning.
I felt out of control and I didn’t like it.
Walk away from the door, I told myself. Walk the hell away. Nothing good can come from this.
An uncomfortable thought suddenly slid under my skin, making me want to peel it off. I shuddered. Was this how it started for my father? Wanting to fuck the nannies and unable to leave them alone until he had them? No. This was different. Wasn’t it? I wasn’t my father. He had nothing to do with this. I was basely and purely attracted to her, dammit. I would have been even if I’d just met her in the street. Or seen her over a video conference, a little voice reminded me.
What if I fired her? Then she wouldn’t be working for me. That would solve that at least. Then I could—
You asshole, I raged at myself. What kind of man fires someone so he can sleep with them? My clenched my fingers on the door frame.
“Papa?” Dauphine’s voice came from behind me and I jerked upright. “What are you doing, Papa?”
I sucked in a breath and scrubbed my hands down my face. “Um, ah. I was thinking.” Shit.
She cocked her head sideways as she let out a yawn.
“I was resting,” I amended. “I had a headache. Come on, let’s get you back in bed. What are you doing awake?” I gently steered her back to bed. Straightening her duvet, I pulled it open and she crawled in. My throat felt thick, like I’d been caught stealing. At least Dauphine’s appearance had doused my raging lust.
“I had a nightmare,” she said.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” I leaned down and kissed her damp forehead. “It was just a dream.”
“I dreamed you were sending Josie away. I love her so much, Papa. Do you think she can come with me to Grand-mère’s? I really want Mémé to meet her. I think she will love her like I love her.”
Guilt flooded me, and I tried to swallow it down my already closed throat. I tucked in the duvet around my daughter’s small body to stall. “Shh. It’s