real architectural firms. And it’s my career, okay?”
“I’m just trying to help.”
“Don’t, okay?” It came out harsher than I’d meant it. “I’m sorry, I—”
“It’s embarrassing,” she hissed. “I don’t know what to say to people when they ask.”
I blinked, my voice hardening. “Well, you tell them Ravenel Tate is a misogynistic asshole, and your darling daughter couldn’t work there anymore.”
My mother gasped. “Josie—”
“I’m kidding,” I said, annoyance in my tone. “Not about what he is, but that you should say that.” My throat closed up on the last few words. It wasn’t that I was homesick necessarily.
“That’s not funny, young lady.”
I blew out a breath and squeezed my eyes closed against the slight pricking. It was not homesickness, it was simply that I suddenly felt very far from home. Xavier Pascale’s coldness had me feeling adrift. And like I’d mentioned to Xavier about his father, there was something about talking to my mom that made me feel twelve years old again. We reverted to old patterns. It was partly comforting. It also drove me nuts.
I rolled my eyes. “No. You’re right. It’s not. Because it’s true. Anyway, why do you have to discuss me?”
“Because you’re my daughter, and I’m proud of all you’ve accomplished.” Her tone suggested an unfinished thought.
“But?”
“But I don’t understand why you had to run away. That’s not what we do, Josephine. You didn’t see me running away from Charleston when your father died. Nor when all that unpleasantness with Nicolas happened.”
I snorted at her word choice. Unpleasantness?
“No,” she went on. “We stay. We look people in the eye, and we hold our heads up high.”
I tore at tiny piece of dry skin next to my nail. Was that what I’d done? Run away when things got tough?
“And don’t think I didn’t notice that you haven’t even mentioned your boss.”
I licked my lips. “What about him?”
“Josephine.”
“Mother,” I shot back.
She let out a sigh. “I’ve seen pictures of him, you know?”
“I’m—it’s going to be okay.” I dismissed her mention of him. “It’s fine to think of this as an extended vacation, all right? That’s what it is. I’m not throwing in my degree to become a professional nanny.”
“Okay. I just miss you.” Her voice wobbled.
I squeezed my eyes closed. “I miss you, too. Hey. Can you wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze? That’s me hugging you. Everything’s going to be all right. Listen, I have to go. I love you.”
We said goodbye and hung up. I stared at the phone. I didn’t need to go anywhere, but talking to my mom hadn’t made me feel better at all.
An hour later, Andrea texted me that I would eat early with the crew and Dauphine would eat alone with Monsieur Pascale. I couldn’t help the horrid feeling in my belly that I’d done something terribly wrong. But what?
The next day, it happened again for both lunch and dinner. Feeling mildly betrayed, I was torn between relief and disappointment. They played board games on the upper deck and went swimming, and he barely glanced in my direction. When I woke in the night and crept up to the top deck, I was equal parts relieved and disappointed not to find him there. Every morning, I felt crabbier and more tired.
Xavier had business on shore and he was back and forth. On one of the days, it was my day off, so I hitched a ride with him and Evan to shore while Dauphine stayed with Andrea. We were in a small town near Marseille, and as much as I’d looked forward to moments like this, I felt overwhelmed wandering around all day by myself in a strange town. The museum I’d read about online was closed and nowhere had good Wi-Fi, so I couldn’t even check in with home or check my email to see if I’d heard back from any of the jobs I’d applied for. I sat awkwardly by myself at a little café and ordered a citron pressé, which wasn’t as good as the one Xavier had ordered me because it came with packets of sugar that didn’t dissolve instead of the simple syrup. The baguette sandwich came with anchovies on it, which permeated the entire experience even though I picked them off. And weirdly, I missed Dauphine and wondered why I hadn’t just invited her along even though it was my day off. Security, I reminded myself. That was why.
I met up with Xavier and Evan at the quay. Xavier was on the phone, the other