silence. “But you have many memories. I can’t tell if that’s good or bad.”
“It’s good, I suppose. Now that time has passed. We would go for walks every Sunday afternoon. The French Huguenot Church was Gothic revival, but then we would walk around and he’d point out the Greek, the West Indian influences, and the colonial British.”
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the air moving along my skin and the lap of water. It helped calm the deep buzz low in my belly where the muscles refused to relax. Where they seemed to feel the pull of Xavier the most. Something I couldn’t control. And was trying to ignore with my babbling. “I learned to pay attention to the details of a building that speak to the observer without being loud. Like a whisper in their minds. It’s what drew me to architecture. It felt like I’d be closer to my father.” I trailed off. I’d probably put him to sleep with my boring building talk.
“What were you doing sneaking in at three in the morning?” he asked, breaking the silence.
I frowned. “What?”
“You said you saw your mother when you snuck in at three in the morning.”
“Did you never do the same?” I volleyed back. “I liked dancing. Were you a very good boy growing up?” I teased.
His eyes narrowed and became hyperfocused on me.
My throat closed in response.
“I was bad.” He took a deep inhale through his nose. “Very, very bad.” His accompanying chuckle lessened the coiling tension. “My parents fought.” He paused then and took a drink of his scotch, almost biting it through his teeth. “My father strayed. My mother was bitter. I stayed out of the way as much as I could. That resulted in lots of unsupervised time and poor decisions. The kind only an angry, horny teenage boy with money to burn can make.” He took another sip.
The moment felt like a gift. I doubted he really wanted to share this history with me, and perhaps tomorrow he’d regret it. But for now, I accepted the offering with gratitude.
“I met Arriette then,” he said, and I held my breath. “We were the wild ones. After university we got back together. Then, I grew up. It took me a long time to realize she never would. Her demons were too deep. I thought marriage would help tame her. It did not. I thought having a child would help her. Help us. But it seemed … it seemed to make it worse. Or perhaps it was me who made her worse. I don’t know. The more I tried to save her, the deeper she went—”
His words stopped abruptly. And I felt inexplicably guilty as he seemed to realize how much he was sharing. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to say something. I didn’t know what. Reassurance?
“You must go.” Monsieur Pascale’s sudden rough bark made me jump, and my eyes snapped open.
His eyes were dark and his glass empty. Deliberately he set it down on the deck to his side.
I gave a small frown. “Why? I’m not—”
“Parce que je veux te baiser. Parce que je veux que tu me fasses oublier.”
“What does that mean?”
His face hardened. “It means you need to get the fuck downstairs.”
My mouth dropped open, heat flooding my chest and face. I was pretty sure that wasn’t what he’d said. But if that was the more palatable version, I felt even more like shit.
“Go,” he growled.
“Fine.” Pushing off the railing toward the stairs, my heart pounded. “Asshole.” I couldn’t help hissing the word under my breath as I started down the steps.
He gave a bitter laugh, letting me know he’d heard me. “It’s best to remember that.”
I hadn’t meant him to really hear me. But what had just happened? One minute he was opening up, the next he was snarling. Why had I agreed to this job, again?
Calming my breathing, I counted to ten as I went downstairs. He didn’t have to be so damned rude.
Although, I’d blundered in on a really raw and private moment he was having. I supposed he was snapping at me like a wounded dog would. Not meaning to inflict pain, but not being able to see past his own. Perhaps he’d been about to lose it and hadn’t wanted me to see. Or was suddenly embarrassed at realizing how much he was sharing—vulnerability making him attack.
I made it the last few steps toward my cabin as I became sure he’d simply been protecting himself.