you, how did you know? Really, please, how did you know?” I blinked rapidly.
“That’s asking how you know the full moon is round. You just know. Do you know?” she asked.
“I think I do know. I know that he’s the person for me. But,” I drew in a fortifying breath, “nothing is forever guaranteed, even if I know.”
“Oh, honey.” She let out a long breath. “You mean because your dad died.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing out the tears that were waiting. “Yes. I—Xavier’s first wife died, Mom.” My voice broke. “I can’t imagine that kind of pain. He’s been through it. And it happened to you, Mom. And the next choice you made was Nicolas.” What if I am his Nicolas? “How can I take this chance when it’s not guaranteed. When he’s my right choice, but I could be his wrong choice? I’m so scared. It feels too big. I don’t know. Dad left us. Nicolas betrayed us. Even though I know Xavier’s the one for me, how do I take this chance?” My sob broke free. “What if I’m not the one for him?”
A hitched breath, and a sniffle told me my mom was crying too.
“Oh, God. I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to make you cry too.”
She blew out a breath. “It’s okay. I’m crying because I’m happy.”
“W-what?”
“I’m happy that you’ve found this kind of love. There’s nothing, nothing, that if I’d known it ahead of time would have stopped me being with your father. That kind of love is the kind you’ll walk through fire for. You’ll die a thousand times or bear the loss again and again just to have known it. It’s big and it’s scary, but it’s worth it. Even everything I had to go through with Nicolas. If I could do it all again, I’d do it willingly to have had those years with your father. And to have had you. Our daughter.”
I swiped at my cheeks. “Oh, Mom.” It came out a whisper.
“It’s true. So whether or not you decide to go for this, I want you to know that I will be there for you no matter what.” She paused. “And also, it would be really cool to get a head start on a granddaughter by starting with a ten-year-old.”
“Mom!” I gasped a choking laugh.
“I’m just saying. I wouldn’t mind being the American grandmother who spoils her rotten. I’m ready.”
“She’ll be lucky to have you.”
“She’ll be lucky to have you, Josephine.”
A strange whining sound came from my chest and throat as I fought back more crying. I tried to purse my lips and blow like I was blowing into a paper bag. “Whoo.”
“What else is it?”
“Well, you know he’s like really well known in France. If I do this … people are going to want to know who I am. Who my family is. And I’m worried.”
There was a pause. “For who?”
“You. Mostly you. Me. Maybe even Xavier. I don’t know.”
“Well, don’t worry about me. One good thing I’ve accomplished is growing a thicker skin. But you know, darling, Nicolas has taken so much from us already. Don’t let him take this from you too. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be happy. I know you are.”
“I’m a fucking mess, is what I am.”
“Josephine!”
“Sorry, Ma.” I laughed then, feeling as though something inside my chest had broken free. “Thank you.”
We said our goodbyes, and I tilted my head up to the sun, willing it to fade the mess my face must look like.
I walked back to work and ducked into the bathroom to wash my face and reapply my makeup with my small emergency kit. The mascara was two years old and caked, but the concealer and lip gloss were adequate. After I saw my girls, I would have to maybe run home for a shower and proper touch up before seeing Xavier.
At five thirty p.m. I’d never been more ready for girl’s night. I was approaching the King Street Tavern when my phone rang. Donovan & Tate. I frowned. Barbara must need to cancel, and frankly with everything that had happened today, I could totally wait on hearing the latest news on what had happened to the deal on East Bay Street.
“Hey, Barb,” I answered.
There was silence. And then, “This is Ravenel Tate. Is this Josie Marin?”
I swallowed. “It is.”
“Right. Okay. Well, I’ll get right to it. Uh. I was wondering if I could, um, possibly, uh…”
My eyes widened, my eyebrows rising, and my steps slowing. “Yes?”