eyes pinned mine, delivering all his secrets openly and helplessly.
The sound of my name uttered in that way, his accented French falling from his lips, curled into my insides.
“You have given life to a dead heart and soul. You brought me back to life. Hungry and gasping and desperate … for you. My heart beating … for you. No.” He frowned. “It’s as if it didn’t exist before you. I’m alive now in this world that might not have you in it? No. It’s impossible. I don’t want the world to turn another day, the sun to burn another day without you.”
“Xavier,” I whispered, my voice failing me. Liquid spilled hot down my cheeks and my heart pounded.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to see. To see you. To feel you. To believe you could love me. To believe my own heart. Mon dieu.” His forehead fell forward to rest against mine. His thumbs brushed my tears. Our breath mingled, stuttered.
My hands gripped his wrists tighter, his pulse strong and yet erratic beneath my fingertips. His mouth was so close. His tongue darted out to wet his lips.
“So please,” he said, whispering now. “If you mean to break my heart, leave nothing left. I beg you. Leave nothing left. I will not survive it, otherwise. But do not break my heart, Josephine. I’m offering it to you. Completely. Take it. Take it … or destroy it.”
And then his hands slipped to the nape of my neck. His mouth, hungry and desperate, took mine. His lips opened, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, taking and tasting and begging. “Je suis complètement amoureux de toi,” he whispered as his mouth left mine and skated to my ear. His tongue dragged over my skin, setting me on fire. He groaned. “I love you.”
I was drowning. His words and his touch overwhelmed every one of my senses. Vaguely aware we were standing in the street in full view of curious passersby and probably Sylvie, I struggled to find my common sense, or any of the bitterness or anger I’d felt moments before. But all I wanted to do was sink into his touch. My heart was on fire.
His body, held a respectable distance from mine, told me he was aware of our surroundings too. “Please. Josephine.” He pulled back, his blue eyes dark eclipses. “See me later? Tell me where. Tell me when.” His fingers ran over my face.
I nodded, breathless, my veins singing with his words. His confession. He loved me. But … he’d told me himself he didn’t trust his feelings. Could he really have changed?
His shoulders sank with relief at my nod.
“Um. Can I call you?” I asked. “I have … I have work. And plans.” Cancel everything, my heart shouted. “And I need … I need to think. I need to think about whether I … believe you, and what that means.”
“Of course,” he said, swallowing heavily and stepping back. A grimness was already creeping into his countenance, like a man who knew the blow was coming and was marshalling all his armor to withstand the force of it. His hand moved to rub the center of his chest. “Of course, I understand.”
“H—how long are you here?” I asked.
He let out a humorless laugh and scrubbed a hand down his face.
“What’s funny?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing is funny. Ironic, maybe. I have made plans to stay for a while. An endless while. I hoped to show you I meant everything I said about how I feel. But I can see it might be too late.”
“Oh.” Confusion and joy and wariness all competed for my attention. His eyes grew sad, letting me see his emotions in a way I never had. I could tell him it wasn’t too late. But I didn’t know.
We gazed at each other, new wariness and vulnerability clashing with the realities of our situation and growing into a chasm between us. And God, not forgetting that no matter what he’d just said, words that I wanted to wallow in and savor and study and cradle, I lived here. He lived there. It was hopeless. I blinked back a fresh burn of tears.
“I will be here for as long as it takes,” he said.
“But what about your business?”
He shrugged. “I own it. I feel like doing business from here now.”
“Oh,” I said weakly. “And what about Dauphine?” God, Dauphine, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of her until this second.