and driving himself up until I was full to the hilt and utterly breathless.
His gaze pinned me, the look feral, hungry, haunted and pleading. Pleading for something he said he didn’t want me to offer. My heart.
Two days was just not fucking enough with this man. It was going to kill me when it was over. I squeezed my eyes closed. It was killing me now, my heart willingly running to its own doom in my chest.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I awoke to the sound of seagulls screeching and cartwheeling overhead. I realized I was alone, wrapped up on the chaises where we’d fallen asleep in the wee hours.
The sky glowed blue with low morning sun even though the bay was shadowed by the massive peninsula. My body was hot and clammy, sticky under the duvet. My face felt damp and cool in the morning air.
“Ah, you’re awake.” Xavier’s voice had me turning to see him stepping up the last step onto the deck, two cups on saucers in his hands.
“I really hope that’s coffee.” I blinked groggily. “That was too much wine and not enough sleep.” And maybe too much sex? Was there such a thing? I ached. But in a good, delicious, satisfied way. “Oh my goodness, did you shower already?”
Xavier was wearing navy shorts and a fresh light pink linen shirt that made his skin glow. He looked utterly masculine and delicious against its soft hue. His hair was wet and shiny in the daylight, and he smelled of cool verdant forests as he leaned toward me delivering a kiss to my forehead and a cup and saucer to my hand.
“Oui,” he answered and perched next to me. “I had an early call with Tokyo, and then I had to do some exercise before I gave into the urge to come up here and drag you to my bed again.”
I smoothed my hair with my free hand, realizing it must look absolutely wild from our outdoor sleeping arrangements.
“You look beautiful.”
“Shush, you charmer.” I grinned and took a sip of coffee, creamy, bitter, and smooth all at once. I raised an eyebrow. “How did you know how I take my coffee?”
“I called Dauphine.”
“You’re joking?”
He grinned into his coffee, looking slightly embarrassed. “Non.” He chuckled.
“Hmm. How is she?”
“Wonderful. This afternoon they are going to visit the newly discovered Roman ship. It’s not open to the public yet, but my mother has her ways.”
“And Dauphine loves the idea of shipwrecks and treasure.”
“She does.”
We shared a smile over his daughter.
“She’s wonderful,” I told him since I’d never outright said it. “And it’s a testament to you. You should be very proud. I was scared about taking this position. I’ve never thought I’d be good with children. But she makes it easy.”
“You’re natural.”
I lifted a shoulder. “I just hope my own children are as charming one day. Maybe I’m only good with her.” I laughed, but it slipped a little as I realized Xavier had glanced away uncomfortably.
“Why architecture? After everything you told me last night?”
I frowned, slightly taken aback. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you are passionate about history. It’s obvious you like keeping old things, not building new things.”
“Well, I—” I let out a surprised huff of air. “You’re right, I suppose. I never looked at it quite so black and white. Maybe …” I knew what he was saying was right, but I’d been working toward being a successful partner at an architectural firm since I’d started college. My father had always known I’d be good at it, ever since I’d known what I wanted to be. He’d encouraged me. He’d fostered my love for the details no one else saw. He’d—
“What?”
Huh. “Um. I think I’m having an existential crisis.” Should I even be an architect?
Xavier’s concerned face grew more serious. “I’m sorry. I only meant—”
“No. It’s fine.” I cleared my throat. Of course I should be an architect. My degree was the only one I’d have ever wanted, but … “Maybe I’ve been focusing on working at the wrong places. Looking at it wrong. God, to think, I even applied for a job at a firm that builds office parks.” I shuddered. “How did you get so smart?”
He chuckled and kissed my hair. “Well, I must do a few more things before my meeting.” He stood.
I cleared my throat. “Okay. Thank you for the coffee.” I glanced down at my attire of his lone wrinkled shirt. “Is it safe to go downstairs dressed like this?”