I returned the captain’s grin because it was impossible not to. “Captain Paco. The fates didn’t want me to leave today. There was a strike and I couldn’t get the train.”
“I heard.” Paco took my baggage up to the steps, and Rod grabbed it and took it inside. I stood in the breeze on the main deck as Paco and Xavier stowed the tender. Above us, on the cliff, I searched out the balustrade of Madame Pascale’s home and saw her and Dauphine standing at the railing, looking tiny from this distance. I waved. They waved back.
Xavier soon joined me, and we stood silently next to each other as the engine turned over and Paco pulled the anchor, then maneuvered us out of the bay. A cool wind had picked up, and goosebumps erupted over my bare arms. Or perhaps it was standing next to this man.
He made a soft throat clearing as if he was about to speak. When nothing came, I turned to him, waiting, as he looked out over the water.
“I don’t know what I am to you right now,” I began. “I mean, are you still my boss? Am I your guest?”
His face swung to mine, blue eyes as complex as the ocean beneath us, fixing on me “What do you want to be?”
My heart bobbed into my throat, shutting off air.
He shook his head suddenly. “I’m sorry, I—” cutting himself off. He winced his eyes shut. “I know you must be angry—”
My head bobbed back in surprise. “Angry? Why would I be angry?” That was the last emotion I was feeling.
“After last night. After what I did. And then you left. I didn’t stop you. I let you leave, thinking …” he trailed off.
“Thinking?” I prompted.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this. I thought I could. I …”
Panic flared. But for exactly what I couldn’t tell. I simply acknowledged the feeling, knowing I’d have to examine it later. “Can’t do what?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” He swallowed and looked away.
Clarity hit me. He’d asked me back on the boat. Without Dauphine. My stomach flipped. And I knew.
He looked vulnerable all of a sudden. As rich and powerful as he was, he was also just a man. He was attracted to me. He’d admitted it. Shown me, actually, in no uncertain terms. To be fair, he probably just wanted to get laid. But my relationship with his daughter had complicated things.
And now, for whatever reason, he didn’t know whether or how to proceed. That was what he meant by not being able to do this.
My heart seemed to swell into a heavy beating beast as I contemplated whether to help him bridge the gap between us. I’d be risking my heart, I knew it. It might be just lust for him, but I was attached. To both him and his daughter. Shit. It would hurt when I left. It had fucking killed me this morning, saying goodbye to Dauphine and leaving without seeing Xavier one last time. Maybe it was better to leave us uncomplicated.
“You asked what I wanted to be to you,” I said quietly. I watched his hands on the railing clench tight. “How about …” God. This was it. Make the first move, or not. After the way I’d felt leaving this morning, after what we’d shared last night. No. I couldn’t do it again. “How about … just … friends.”
He inhaled through his nose and closed his eyes.
“Of course.” Then he pushed away from the railing. His hand went up to his hair, and he turned away, then back. Then he turned away a final time and went inside.
His departure was like a flame being snuffed out. I was a chicken shit.
I stood there, breathing in the wind, and wondering if I’d made a mistake. I examined my hesitancy. And his. Yes, Dauphine complicated things. I wasn’t a stranger. I had attachments to his family. But I also wasn’t living here. I was going home, if not on Thursday, then in a few weeks. No one was asking for a commitment. I wasn’t. I couldn’t. I had a life to head back to. A career to rebuild. This wasn’t some fairytale. Who said we couldn’t just enjoy each other for a couple of days? Get it out of our systems and move on? For a second I let my tightly-reined in mind go and conjured the image of him and me together.