or go upstairs and knock for him. I don’t want to piss him off by invading his space so I shout for him first. Unfortunately I get no response, so I shout again.
I make my way up the stairs and shout once more. He’s either being extremely ignorant or he’s not here.
I’ll just knock on his study door.
“Nathan?” I call and knock on the door. “Nathan? Hello?” My hand clasps the handle and I’m about to push the door open when I change my mind. He could be sleeping at his desk or listening to music through his headphones and I don’t want to disturb him, or anger him by invading his space. This is his house. He asked me not to do certain things so I’ll respect that.
I wrap up his plate in foil before placing it in the oven, and pack the leftovers away before putting them in the fridge. I’m mostly doing this just in case Nathan comes down. It’s like I’m delaying so I can eat in his company.
Sitting down at last, I bite into my food and moan. This is so good. I don’t remember when food stopped tasting like ash in my mouth, but I’m grateful I have this one joy back in my life. It’s like a tiny bit of colour poking through all of the grey that is my consciousness.
I’m so glad I chose to be a chef.
It’s lonely here. Too lonely.
I decide to call Sasha but she doesn’t answer. I text her telling her I miss her and to keep me updated on everything. She doesn’t text back. I’m guessing she’s busy so it doesn’t upset me too much. Sasha would never purposefully ignore me.
At least I have all of my things now. The first thing I do is place a photo of me and Caleb at the beach on my nightstand and then I get to work on the rest.
The best part about falling asleep tonight is falling asleep seeing my fiancés face.
The worst part is that when I wake up, his face is still just a picture.
It’s been two whole days and the only person I’ve spoken to is Sasha. She’s fine, worried about me and my sudden decision to up and leave but she understands. Jeanine has been busy and has said hello and goodbye but that has been the extent of our conversations.
I’m going stir crazy. Nathan is here but he’s keeping out of my way completely. When I wake up, breakfast is ready for me. He skips lunch but has eaten every dinner I’ve made and left in the oven. I don’t know how he’s avoided me so well. Are there hidden tunnels in this house?
I’m losing it.
I need to get out but the rain and the wind are relentless and I have no car. There’s never anything on the TV, I don’t have a computer and my phone won’t connect to the Wi-Fi so I can’t do much on that.
I feel like camping out in the kitchen and waiting for Nathan to collect his dinner, but that would be weird and boring. Also, what would I say to him? “Oh, umm, let’s talk?” We have nothing in common. What would we talk about?
Why’s he ignoring me though?
My boredom has reached new levels. I’m currently sat on the cold wood floor in my bedroom doing a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. The problem is that I can’t reach the top end of it because my belly won’t let me bend that far forward. I have to bum shuffle around it on the ground like a dog.
When the doorbell rings I almost cry with relief, even though I know it isn’t for me. I feel like a puppy when its owners come home. In my mind I’m screaming, ‘PEOPLE,’ and wagging my tail.
I’m a freak, it’s simple.
I need conversation. I need distraction. If I don’t have it, my mind wanders and I can’t control the direction in which it wanders. Caleb is becoming a more prominent thought in my mind and each day seems to be getting slower and harder. I genuinely thought I was finally in a good place, not because I’m happy or even content but because I have the strength to keep myself out of bed throughout the day.
Pulling open the door I look at the red haired, plump woman holding up a huge tray of what looks to be lasagne. “I’m a friend of Jeanine’s. She told me there was someone new in town.”