I have breakfast, which consists of toasted brown bread and beans.
What Nathan doesn’t know won’t hurt. I would’ve preferred eggs, but I can’t see any in the fridge or anywhere else. My thoughts go back to what he said yesterday. Does he think they’re bad for the baby or does he just have a problem with eggs in general? Do I honestly care?
I’m certain it’s raw eggs that aren’t brilliant for pregnant women and not cooked eggs, so his concerns don’t worry me. Not that I can actually call his concerns ‘concerns’. He doesn’t seem bothered; he just seems like the type that likes to be in control and this is a shitty situation, so those urges are kicking in, in all of the wrong places.
I’m sure he means well.
I wonder what he’s doing. Maybe he’s at a business conference or something.
I know Caleb’s father owns a chain of jewellery stores spread across the country and it’s forever expanding. He owns the company that finds the gems and the company that finds the metal. I’m not sure how rich this makes him or how rich this makes Nathan, or if they’re even rich at all.
Obviously they probably are and this house certainly screams ‘wealthy’, but it doesn’t scream ‘Bill Gates’. Not that I care. It’s just something to think about to keep my mind off the other issues I have to deal with.
Like the fact I’m technically a widow. Oh my god. I’m a widow… sort of.
That’s something you read about, or hear about, or see in older people. It’s not something you experience at the age of twenty one.
Well, twenty one as of seven weeks ago.
I know it is something people experience at this age. I’m not stupid. You hear about it, but you never think it’s going to happen to you. I wish we’d taken out life insurance, safeguarded our future.
It should’ve been the first thing we did when I fell pregnant. At least then I wouldn’t be here. I’d have been able to afford the rent and everything the baby needs for a while until I finished university and got a job.
Gah. It’s no use thinking about any of this. Why am I torturing myself with ridiculous what ifs?
“Morning,” a cheery sounding female voice calls as the main entrance door opens and then closes. “Anybody home?” She enters the kitchen, sees me and smiles. I’d smile back, but I haven’t gotten to the point of my grief yet where I can feel emotion enough to change my facial expression from blank or tortured. “Well look at you.”
“Hi,” I say politely.
She’s a mid-forties woman with a soft smile. Her eyes are deep blue and you know just by looking into them that she’s lived. It’s odd how you can just tell that with some people. I wonder if you can tell that by looking at me.
“You must be Mr Weston’s guest, Guinevere, right? It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Jeanine.” She opens her arms and gives me a firm hug. Her hand rubs my back a couple of times before she holds me at arm’s length, her smile still certain. “You are absolutely gorgeous, and look at this bump. May I?”
“Sure,” I say, my fingers tucking my hair behind my ears.
She instantly places her hands over the small swell. “My, my, my. You’re going to have an eight pounder, easy.”
“Great,” I murmur solemnly and try to picture my future. All I see is a whale with my face.
“A healthy one too.” Her smile gets brighter. “You sit. I’ll make us some tea. How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” I respond, but her eyes tell me she knows the truth.
Fortunately she doesn’t comment, she only sets about her business, a bounce in each step. “It’s wonderful to have you here. I’m sure Nathan thinks so too.”
“Ha,” I let out unintentionally.
If this woman smiles any wider, she’s going to lose the top of her head. “He gets awfully lonely up here, even though he denies it. He rarely gets to leave, what with work.” Oh, so he’s a work from home kind of guy. That explains the distance from the city thing. “It’ll be nice having you here and of course the baby.” I watch as her smile falls, pity and concern replacing it. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I was told not to mention it, but it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t offer my sincerest condolences.”
“That’s okay, thank you. No point avoiding the obvious.” I say this with