like only seconds instead of the minutes that actually pass.
“I’m so sorry,” a woman says as they call his death.
They call it.
They just call it.
“NO! Keep going!” I yell at them, but no one listens to me. Time just keeps flying in a blur. I feel as though I’m falling through reality, every second melting into the next. I’m unaware of everything, yet more aware than I’ve ever been.
The Police arrive and one of them tries to take me out of the room. “He wouldn’t leave me! He’s fine! People just don’t die in their sleep!”
“Please, Miss,” the officer says in my ear, trying to get me to move. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing we can do. He’s gone.”
“No.” I fall to my knees as they surround the bed. “No! Please. Don’t stop trying. You can’t stop.”
I can’t hear anything they say after this. I see the men start to lift him.
“No,” I cry and throw myself towards his body. “No you can’t take him.”
The tears that trickled at first begin to cascade down my face. I can’t stop them and I don’t want to.
It’s not fair! Why him? Why? There are others out there with less to live for. Why couldn’t they have died instead?
“We’ll let you have a few minutes, sweetheart.” I don’t know who says it and I don’t care.
A few minutes? I was meant to have a lifetime with this man. We were going to grow old together.
Everything is so surreal and the fast erratic thoughts on why this is happening soon slow and turn to an empty numbness. My whole world feels like it has just collapsed. Nothing seems to matter apart from the fact he has gone.
Nothing.
I’m left looking over his body.
I have heard people describe a dead body as a shell of the person they once knew. This isn’t even a shell of the man I’ve lost. Gone is the warmth of his almost chocolate gaze and the vibrancy this body once held. Even in his sleep he was captivating. Now all of that essence has left. He’s left and I’m left with nothing.
I look at the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen as he’s placed on a stretcher and covered with a sheet. They cover his face. I don’t want them to cover his face. Why won’t they listen?
They keep asking me questions. Who are my family and friends? Who are his family and friends? I can’t answer. I can’t do anything but sob.
“Where are they taking him?”
I’m surrounded by people, police officers and strangers, as I tear out of my house. I have no sense of time or place, my eyes on his lifeless body.
“Stop!” I scream, but they keep going.
Someone grabs me around the waist and holds me tight. Tommy’s here. When did he get here?
“We should sedate her,” someone says.
“She’s pregnant. Be careful.”
“Why are they taking him? They need to help him!”
“Hey,” Tommy says softly in my ear and pulls me towards an ambulance.
I try to pull free but my energy levels are non-existent. I’m non-existent. This isn’t happening to me, it’s happening to somebody else.
Twenty three year old males don’t just die in their sleep the night before their wedding.
“What happened, does anybody know?” Tommy asks whoever is here.
“They think it may have been a heart attack, but they won’t know for sure until they get him to the hospital.”
Numbness overcomes me. I turn in Tommy’s arms and cling to him, my body shaking like a leaf, my mouth emitting noises I’ve never made before.
He’s not gone. He’s not. They’ll get him to the hospital and they’ll see.
“Don’t let them stop trying, Tommy.” I beg, my fists gripping the shirt of my friend.
Everything goes black. I’m not sure how or why, I just drift.
I wake up in an unfamiliar bed. I’m in the hospital. Why am I here?
“Hey you,” Tommy says and I see Sasha beside him.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Tears spill and the sobs that plagued my body once already come back immediately. Sasha rushes to my side and envelops me in her arms. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers and I feel her own tears fall onto my hair.
No. “No. No. He’s not… they were supposed to save him.”
“I know,” she sniffs, still rocking me and stroking my hair. “They couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry.”
“Why? What happened?”
Tommy and Sasha look at each other. “They won’t tell us anything. His parents got here as quickly as they could and they won’t permit you to know