key from his pocket with a BMW key chain. “I got you a car. It’s perfect for families and has a fix for the baby seat so you won’t have to strap his car seat in every time. You’ll need it if I’m away.”
I stare at the keys on the table between us. “I don’t think I can accept it.”
“Don’t over think it. Just say ‘thank you, Nathan’, kiss me and try it out tomorrow.”
I giggle and stand. Taking a step towards him I lean down and press my lips to his ear. “Thank you, Nathan.”
He grabs my arm before I can move away and pulls me onto his lap, making me squeal. “You didn’t kiss me.”
He’s right, I didn’t. I roll my eyes and move my mouth to his cheek, planting an extremely moist kiss below his cheekbone.
“You are disgusting.” He cringes playfully and wipes his cheek on his sleeve.
Dillan’s screeches sound through the baby monitor. I step back, ready to deal with him, but Nathan guides me back to the chair and tells me to sit and that he’ll sort it. I thank him and clear the table as soon as he leaves the room.
When I’ve finished cleaning I take my usual spot on the couch in the room and listen to Nathan talk to Dillan through the baby monitor.
“You really need to start smiling soon. If I have to listen to your mummy play peekaboo one more time, I’m going to gag her.” I snort at his sweet baby talk tone. His threatening words sounding so non-threatening and cheerful. “Although it’ll probably only get worse if you do smile at that. So do us both a favour and smile at something I enjoy.” I hear a gurgle come from Dillan and laugh with Nathan, even though he can’t hear me. “Good boy.” There’s a pause. I hear Nathan sigh before his tone becomes quiet and sad. “You look so much like your daddy it’s almost painful.” Pause. My breath hitches. Nathan rarely talks about Caleb and when he does it’s usually just a few words of agreement about something I’ve said. “Mummy loved your daddy very much. Uncle loved your daddy very much. I’m sorry you’ll never get to meet him; he would have loved you more than anyone and anything.”
I choke back a hiccup and turn the monitor off. This isn’t my conversation to listen to. It’s private and it’s their moment.
Wiping my eyes, I quickly fire up my laptop and try to distract myself. Instead all I see is Caleb staring back at me from my desktop background. I touch his face with my fingertip and slam the screen down after a quiet moment. I can’t break down right now, Dillan needs me to keep it together.
Why’s it so damn hard?
Nathan joins me half an hour later. He’s slightly distant and solemn looking but otherwise okay. We watch the television in a companionable silence, my head resting on his shoulder and my hand across his chest. He doesn’t play with the ends of my hair like he usually does.
When I look up, I realise it’s because he’s fallen asleep with his head hanging over the back of the couch. I laugh quietly and run my fingertips over his brow, smoothing his hair from his face. He’s had an eventful day by the sounds of it, no wonder he’s exhausted.
“You’re staring.” Nathan’s lips twitch and his closed eyes flutter open, only to confirm his suspicions.
“How do you know when I’m staring?” I mutter, feeling my cheeks heat.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s kind of strange actually.”
“Yep,” I completely agree with that comment. “Bed?”
“Yes.” Staggering slightly as he stands, he holds out his hand. I give him my wrist, as is habit. I’m shocked when his fingers slide from my wrist and push between my fingers until they’re laced together.
I get changed in the bathroom after brushing my teeth and washing my face. Nathan gets changed upstairs. By the time he’s done I’m already in bed.
It’s rare that we go to bed together. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it. I like our night time cuddles far more than I should.
He slides in usually after I’m sleeping and doesn’t wrap himself around me until he’s in the land of slumber himself. This time he instantly presses his front to my back and curls his legs with mine.
“I never thought I’d enjoy sleeping with somebody,” he admits quietly, his breath blowing the wispy hairs that lay