Nathan, knowing without me asking, throws me a pack of Gaviscon tablets. I chew two and wait for them to kick in.
“Heartburn?” Tommy asks as Sasha places both of her hands on my moving belly.
I nod. “Apparently it means the baby is going to have a lot of hair. I hope his hair is worth it.”
“You’re having a boy?” Sasha squeals and lifts up my top without permission so she can see the baby move through my skin. My friend is weird.
“I don’t know, I think so.” I glance at Nathan. “I kind of hope so.”
“We should put bets on it,” Tommy suggests and I scowl good naturedly at him. “Unless you’re afraid to lose.”
“Stop it.” Sasha slaps his arm and snuggles into my side, her eyes on my rolling bump. After a few more moments she groans and pats her flat stomach. I’m so jealous of her figure right now. “I’m bloated.”
“I got bloated seven months ago and it’s only gotten worse since,” I say, making the others laugh. Even Nathan smiles a little. “Why don’t we go for a walk?”
“Sounds good.” Tommy smiles as Sasha groans. “Seriously?”
“Come on, Sash, you should see the outdoors before it gets too dark,” I push but it doesn’t work.
She shrugs. “You two go; I’m going to clean the dishes.”
“Leave them.” I glance at Nathan, whose eyes are on me. “Come on.”
“No, I’ll make you milk and honey too, it’s Friday.” She gives me a wink and sashays into the kitchen the only way Sasha can.
I smirk and look to Tommy for help. He stands and holds out his hand. Taking it, I let him pull me off the couch gently.
“Don’t go too far, it’s dark,” Nathan tells me as he stands.
I give him a small frown. “You’re not coming with?”
“I’ll help your friend in the kitchen.” He exits through the archway without saying anything else.
“I guess it’s just me and you, pregger-belly.” Tommy grins and throws his arm around my shoulder.
My frown turns into a scowl. “I’m not that fat.”
“Sure you’re not.”
I elbow him in the side, making him stagger in jest. “I’m kidding, you’re glowing actually.”
“Yay.”
“You still say that?” He chuckles, coming back to my side.
I blow out a breath. “Not much.”
“So, spill all.” Ah great, the serious tone.
“All of what?”
“Everything, don’t hold back, I can take it.”
But can I? “I’m doing better.”
“No you’re not.” The look he gives me is one I’ve seen on Tommy before. It shows disbelief, sorrow and pity. I hate pity but I don’t hate him, I never could, so I let it slide. “I mean, you are, but I can see that you still struggle.”
“It’s been a four months,” I respond quietly, tucking my hair behind my ear. “It hurts every day.”
“And Nathan?”
“Seeing him at first made it hurt more, but now it’s gradually becoming a comfort. He’s nothing like Caleb.” I smile softly at how close we’ve become over the past month. “He doesn’t have Caleb’s easy smile, or constant hyper activeness and excitement for life. He’s secluded, withdrawn but when he smiles, it makes all the bad stuff disappear for a while.”
“What?” Tommy seems as startled by my words as I am.
I rush to defend myself. “I mean, at first I thought he hated me. I hated him a little bit, but now I’m happy to say we’re friends. He’s grumpy, completely intolerable but one of the nicest people I know.”
“Huh.” He looks up at the sky.
“How is university?”
“It’s good, but you already know that. It’s getting dark, we should head back.”
“We’ve only been walking for five minutes.” I laugh and tilt my head towards the greying sky.
“Yeah, well, Sasha’s on her own,” he lies because obviously she’s not.
“Whatever.” He’s probably tired and doesn’t want to admit it. “Thanks for coming, Tommy.”
He smiles down at me, his arm still around my shoulder. “I’ve missed you.” A shadow flits across his eyes. “I miss how things used to be.”
That hits me hard, too hard. It’s remarkable how things can change in just a few short months. “Me too.”
The house comes back into view. I look up at its glowing windows and think about my future. A few months ago my future was with Caleb, in our little house, finishing school, getting a job and a decent placement.
Now my future is here.
As bright as that may seem, which it should be because I’ve been a lot more fortunate than most, it still fills me with a dread I can’t explain, like an impending darkness is