Bridgerton Collection, Volume 2 - Julia Quinn Page 0,232

he now was. She tried, sometimes, to draw him out in conversation, and she sometimes succeeded, but more often than not, her attempts melted away.

Because he never seemed to want to talk when he could kiss. And that, inevitably, led to his nudging her into the bedroom, where words were forgotten.

And on the few occasions when she did manage to engage him in conversation, it proved to be nothing more than an exercise in frustration. She would ask his opinion on anything relating to the household, for example, and he would just shrug and tell her that she should handle it how she saw fit. Sometimes she wondered if he’d married her just to gain a housekeeper.

And, of course, a warm body in his bed.

But there could be more. Eloise knew there could be more to a marriage, knew there could be more in a marriage. She couldn’t recall much of her parents’ union, but she’d seen her siblings with their spouses, and she thought she and Phillip might find the same bliss if they would only spend a little time together outside the bedroom.

She stood abruptly and walked to the door. She should talk to him. There was no reason she couldn’t go to the greenhouse and talk to him. Maybe he’d even appreciate it if she asked about his work.

She wasn’t going to interrogate him, exactly, but surely there could be no harm in a question or two, peppered into the conversation. And if he even hinted that she was bothering him or making it difficult to work, she’d leave immediately.

But then she heard her mother’s voice echoing in her head.

Don’t push, Eloise. Don’t push.

It took willpower she’d never thought she possessed, since it went against her every last natural inclination, but she stopped, turned around, and sat back down.

She’d never known her mother to be wrong about anything truly important, and if Violet had seen fit to give advice on her wedding night, Eloise rather suspected she ought to pay it careful attention.

This, she thought with a grumpy frown, must have been what her mother had meant when she’d said to give it time.

She jammed her hands under her bottom, as if to keep them from reaching forward and leading her back toward the door. She glanced out the window, then had to avert her gaze because even though she couldn’t see the greenhouse, she knew it was right there, just around the corner.

This was not, she thought through clenched teeth, her natural state. She’d never been the sort who could sit still and smile while she did so. She was meant to be moving, doing, exploring, questioning. And if she were to be honest—bothering, pestering, and stating her opinions to anyone who would listen as well.

She frowned, sighing. Put that way, she didn’t sound a terribly attractive person.

She tried to remember her mother’s wedding-night speech. Surely there was something positive in there as well. Her mother loved her, after all. She must have said something good. Hadn’t there been something about her being charming?

She sighed. If she recalled correctly, her mother had said she found her impatience charming, which wasn’t really the same as finding someone’s good temperament charming.

How awful this was. She was eight and twenty, for heaven’s sake. She’d sailed through her entire life feeling perfectly happy with who she was and how she conducted herself.

Well, almost perfectly happy. She knew she talked too much and was perhaps a little too direct at times, and very well, not everybody liked her, but most people did, and she’d long since decided that that was fine with her.

So why now? Why was she suddenly so unsure of herself, so fearful of doing or saying the wrong thing?

She stood. She couldn’t stand this—the indecision, the lack of action. She’d heed her mother’s advice and give Phillip a bit of privacy, but by God, she couldn’t sit here doing nothing one moment longer.

She looked down at the incomplete ledgers. Oh, dear. If she’d been doing what she was supposed to be doing, she wouldn’t have been doing nothing, would she?

With a little huff of irritation, she slammed the ledgers shut. It didn’t really matter if she could be adding her sums, because she knew herself well enough to know that she wouldn’t be adding them, even if she sat here, so she might as well go off and do something else.

The children. That was it. She’d become a wife a week ago, but she’d also become a mother.