Breathe Me - C.R. Jane Page 0,41

sick just reminded me that I've only got one life to live, and I don't want to live it without the three of you."

I take a deep breath. The three of them are staring at me intensely. "We once made a list when we were young of everything we wanted to do. I want to spend the next three months doing all those things with you."

I look at each of them, making sure that they know that my words are for each of them individually just as much as they are for the whole group. "So you have a choice right now. You can take this chance with me and fulfill that list. Or you can leave right now and spend the rest of your life wondering about what could have been."

It's loud around us, but it might as well just be the four of us for as much as it feels like we're in our own separate world.

"Are you in remission?" Quaid asks, and my stomach drops because I know that once I lie about this, they'll never forgive me when they find out the truth.

"Better than ever," I tell him brightly, even as the words burn like acid on my tongue.

Logan is the first to step towards me and take my hand, proving that the boy I knew is still inside of him. Logan was always the first with anything for me. My cheeks burn thinking of one particular first, and I push the thoughts away. Now is not the time.

Quaid is next, taking my other hand and making another shattered piece of me click back into place. It's honestly like we've stepped back into the past. This is always the way it went with the two of them leading and Carter hovering on the outskirts, taking his sweet time, making sure that I always knew he could walk away at any time.

I'm more aware of Quaid and Logan's touch than I've ever been of anything else. It's like there are tiny shocks floating from them into me. I don't take my gaze off of Carter though. If he walks away right now, the other two will still make my last days more than I could have ever dreamed. They’re in no way a consolation prize. But if Carter does choose to walk away from me, at least a part of me is going to suffer a premature death. For me, they were always a package deal, each completing me in different ways. And something would always be missing if one of them was gone.

Carter looks at me, and there's hate in his gaze. Time's made me weak, because the hate hits me in the chest, attempting to burrow inside of me and erase all the bravery—and liquor—that told me this was a good idea.

"Would you even care if I walked away?" Carter snarls at me. It's always been his first instinct to lash out before he can get hurt.

"You already know the answer to that," I tell him so softly, I'm not even sure he can hear me.

Carter lunges towards me suddenly, but I don't move away. A tortured growl rumbles from his chest as he slams his mouth over mine, open from the start, pressing his tongue inside. I let go of the other two and fist Carter's hair, pulling and pulling until we’re fastened together and I’m wrapped in his arms. This kiss is full of promises, and it goes on until my head spins, until the air is thick with tension and my body aches for his in a delicious, pulsing way.

Quaid clears his throat next to us, and I come back to Earth, feeling a little light-headed after the two passionate and unexpected kisses I've received in the last ten minutes.

Carter sighs, a potent elixir against my lips. Pulling back just enough for his gaze to find mine, he strokes his fingers along my jaw.

There are so many words that we need to say. The hate is still there in his eyes, but something that looks a lot like love is visible, too. And I can work with that.

I'm used to feeling apologetic about my feelings for the three of them, so when I finally look at the other two, my first instinct is to blush and want to avert my eyes.

I'm not doing that anymore, I tell myself, and instead, I take my time staring at each of them as if daring them to say something.

When no one does, a bright flash