pause, the pain rushing out of my eyes like pinpricks, ebbing away the shield I’ve slowly grown.
I stare at her, the woman I believed to be the owner of every part of me—and she was at one time—but now as her face morphs into so much pain, it’s not her who I worry about and have at the forefront of my mind. It’s Joey.
“I didn’t know if you’d survive him. He terrified me shitless, Lo. He abused the fuck out of me for years, and besides you, I learned the only escape I could find was booze.”
She shakes her head in disagreement, but she didn’t know. She had Jase. Jase had her. I only had scraps.
Morsels are enough to feed the hungry, but I was starving—famished—diminished by the light and guided by the dark.
“It numbed me, eased a broken and pitiful part of me. Or, at least, I thought it did. It consumed me in a new way, giving me a comfort I sought in you. Then before I knew it, it was my only friend, my only sustenance, my only excuse. But again, I asked for it. I reached for it instead of help, knowing it’d make me forget for a little while. It hurt me as much as I let it. Now... now that I’m aware and sure of what it truly did, I can move forward.”
She closes the distance, hugging me to her chest.
Once, this would have been everything.
Once, it would have changed my world.
Once, I would have loved her more.
Not anymore.
It means closure.
It’s the end.
The closing.
Our ever after, not happy nor sad, it just is.
“Thank you for giving me life, Lo. You were the life I was missing, the closure I needed, the push to be the best me... you were that. So, thank you.”
I pull back as I watch every emotion and memory flutter in her angst-sodden lashes. Lo was circumstance, but Joey is my destiny.
“I love you, Toby,” she finally says. Hugging her closer for a moment, I pull away for the last time.
“I love you too, Sparkle. Till the end of time.” I kiss her forehead softly for the last time, cherishing the sweet smell of peaches, love, and resolution.
As I walk away, I hear her break down. This wasn’t about her or us. It was entirely about Joey and the future I’m not risking ever again.
LO
There’s so much I want and need to say. So much. He rushed out the door before I got the chance to say a single thing. It only takes seconds to run after him. So I run after him, chasing him like how he used to chase me for years.
That’s it, isn’t it?
He chased. I let him.
He put in effort. I used him.
He loved me unconditionally. I loved him limitedly.
“Toby!”
His head swivels to mine, his face forlorn and full of emotion. Our conversation is burned into my heart, searing the flesh to record a new meaning, a heartbeat that means calm and tranquility.
Peace.
A fresh start.
I want him to be a part of our child’s life. Always have, especially after finding out Lev is his too. It’s a burning sensation that hasn’t ebbed. If anything, this conversation confirms his growth as a man. Maybe life can change, and everything will work out.
He deserves it.
Lev, too.
“Please, I need to say some things.” I’m next to him now. His hand is on his car door, his eyes are shiny with emotion, and his face is full of fear.
“I want you to be a part of Lev’s life. I need that.”
He nods, almost like he can’t believe the words escaping my mouth. “Why now?”
“Seeing you, knowing you fell for someone. Understanding that she loves you the way I never could,” I release shakily, my heart ping-ponging inside my chest. “She’s good for you.”
“Too late now,” he bites, his voice teetering on unhinged.
“What did you do?”
“Did you not notice she left? Ran, really... she hates me.”
“I repeat, Tobias, what did you do?”
“Sent her away,” he admits, his voice strained. “Told her the things she feared most. That’s what I do. I’m fucking toxic, Sparkle.” He touches my face, and I flinch. Not because he’s not comforting, but because he’s using me as a way to convey emotions that he wants to give his wife. Just as Jase did with Ellie.
Pulling away, I glare at him. “You fix this.” It’s a command. “You fix your marriage and love that girl. You’ve both lost so much already.”