Unlike a year ago, my vices aren’t controlling me.
Except her. She’s one of them now, and I’ll never let her go.
Those sad ambers close, and I kiss them too. My lips trace every inch of her face, pushing all my love into her, giving her everything I have.
“You are so goddamn beautiful, Sous.”
Her shoulders shake. Stiff agony washes over her as it rumbles and has this protective growl releasing from me. When the world is cruel, who punishes it? Does it pay comeuppance for the torture it ensues? How can we overcome our hardships when it holds our head under water? While we thrash beneath the surface, so close to happiness and reprieve, it takes and takes and continues to force us beneath into the nothingness.
“I’m not, Toby. I’m so ugly. My scars show that, they convey my disgusting insides. They’re the revelation.” I rub her face before gripping it tighter, forcing her gaze to connect with mine.
“You’re the most fucking beautiful person in this entire world. Your scars don’t make you any less; they prove your strength, they reveal your fight, and they explain that while you may be the most stunning woman I’ve ever met, you’re also one surrounded by pain that surmounts the ease in your life. You’re a goddamn fighter, Sous. A fucking warrior. No one on this godforsaken earth can take that from you.”
I kiss her, silently promising her that each word is my oath. It’s my truth. Heady whimpers escape her as she wraps herself around me. Rearranging us on the bed, I prop her head on top of my chest, holding her, loving her, wanting every good thing for her.
We’ll have a baby.
Fighting heaven or hell won’t be an issue because she’s worth it all.
“I love you, Sous.”
She shudders from the words, then moves to where my heart rests. Warmth from her ear shocks me as she places it flat against the base of my ribcage. Her fingers trace lazy swirls around the light smattering of hair. Love bleeds into me with each pass of her touch, feeling everything words cannot convey.
“I love you too, old man. Don’t give up on me,” she nearly begs. Halting her hand, she lifts her chin toward me. Then she’s moving to kiss me.
When she pulls back with heavy vexation, it’s then that I see her fear.
“Never, Josephine. Not even for a second. I’ll never leave your side, and I’ll always fight for you.”
My body shakes with acute suffering, feeling so much at this moment. Then she’s tucking herself back into me.
I love her.
She’s worth it.
She’s mine.
Chapter Forty-Four
Present
Joey
He wants to try.
I don’t.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but as he brought it up three weeks ago when he slipped into our bed, holding me like no time had passed, I changed my mind.
For the past few weeks, we’ve been eating dinner every night, talking more, becoming friends all over again. But that’s all I’ll offer. My heart isn’t his to hold anymore.
Heading down the elevator to leave and see Gray, I am stopped on the fortieth floor. My stomach clenches. It’s not news to me that this is the floor where Toby fucks his women. He thinks I’m stupid, but in reality, I’ve seen the invoices, the card charges, everything. I know what he does in there and the names of the women he does it with.
It took every ounce of control not to search and stalk them. See what makes them so goddamn special. I bet they don’t know how he likes his cock sucked, or how he likes being ridden while I bend backward. No, they couldn’t know anything because they aren’t me.
I groan as the doors open, and a brunette walks in. It wouldn’t be anything suspect until my eyes land on the tattoo showing on her arm. A butterfly.
My eyes go to that night almost a month ago.
It goes to the image he sent me.
The woman beneath him.
The one he fucked.
The one he chose over me that night.
My stomach flip flops in a nauseating way.
“Up or down?” I squeak, unsure of how to keep my emotions at bay. Tears don’t spring, but hot-filled rage does, it overflows, making me shake.
“Down. Only came for a quickie,” she simpers, smirking at me. My blood runs cold.
He wouldn’t. There’s no way he’d ask me to try again if he was still fucking his whores on the side, right? There wasn’t a stipulation, Josephine. He can fuck whomever he wants.