Brazen Girl by Ali Dean Page 0,7

You have everything going for you. I’m still figuring it out. Let me figure it out.”

“You’ve made up your mind. You’re not going to let me change it, are you?” He shakes his head. “I’m trying to talk you out of breaking up with me. God, I never thought I’d be that guy.”

And now I want to hug him and tell him he’s the best person I know, that I’ll probably never find anyone who makes me feel like he does. But I’m still only halfway present mentally and emotionally, and I can’t start pulling out those kinds of truths, or I’ll deteriorate real quick.

So I go with something else that’s honest, but it’s so obvious, it’s not as painful for me to say it aloud. “No, you’re not that guy. You’re right to question if I’m acting too rash, because we are so good together. And I’m crazy about you, Beck.” Oh shit, that was too much. I’m starting to get choked up and I reach for the dresser behind me, something solid, to bring me back. “But that’s not all it takes for a relationship to work. We can’t live in a bubble.”

I’ve got to get out of here. If I stay any longer, I’ll start crying. I’ll say something I shouldn’t. Can’t Beck see he’s in a different league than I am? It’s not that I lack confidence or feel bad about myself; no, if anything, I’ve accepted who I am. The past few months have been a fantasy. I’ve been living in a world I can’t sustain. There’s a knock at the door, followed by Griffin’s voice. “Guys? You’ve got visitors.”

Beck’s eyes are on the ground, boxers he must have pulled on at some point the only clothing on his body. He doesn’t look ready to answer, so I do. “Okay, who is it?”

“Ellie, Zora, and Lucy.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

Beck turns and walks back to his bed, sitting on the edge, his head in his hands. It’s the most devastating thing I’ve ever seen. I want so badly to go over there and comfort him. But I’ve made my decision. It’s the right one. I’m doing the right thing.

I walk over to the man who doesn’t seem to get that I’m unworthy of him. “I love you, Beck.” He doesn’t answer, doesn’t move when I kiss the top of his head. When I walk out of his room, I don’t feel lighter. No, that weight I’d felt like a blanket earlier is nearly suffocating me now.

Beck

She’ll change her mind. That’s what I tell myself all day. I still want to call my agent, cancel the contract with Shred Live. Because if I don’t? What happens if she does change her mind? I won’t be around.

This has to be coming from the concussion. She’s scared. Those messages scared her, and I get it. But why won’t she let me be there for her?

I don’t tell anyone, not Griff, not my sister, not my mom. Jordan could change her mind tomorrow, and I don’t want anyone knowing this even happened. We can forget all about it.

But on Wednesday morning I get a text, and I know she won’t be changing her mind. Not any time soon.

I told my parents about the crash and a little about the messages I was getting that we showed the cops. They wanted me home right away, and I agree. I’m at the airport now. I’m sorry Beck. I miss you already. But this is for the best.

My knuckles turn white as I grip the phone, clinging to the words “I miss you” even as I try to force myself to accept what she’s doing. This isn’t even from Jordan’s phone, which is still with the cops. It’s come from Zora’s phone, which means I can’t text her back. Zora’s just dropped her off, and isn’t getting on the airplane with her.

It’s hard to compare anything about this relationship to the one I had with Kelly, but she’s the only other girlfriend I’ve had in the past few years. Kelly tried to reason her way back into my life, and I started detesting her for it. I can’t do that to Jordan. She made it clear what she wants. I don’t agree, not even a little bit, but I’m not going to turn into Kelly, showing up and trying to make her want me until she caves and decides it’s easier to give in than do what she really wants.

But part