Brazen Girl by Ali Dean Page 0,45
she cuts me off.
“Nope. Stop. Don’t say a word. You’ll give it away and ruin it.”
Zora cackles. “You always take reality TV so seriously, Lucy Goosy. We all know half the stuff in there didn’t really happen.”
“Some of it definitely did happen,” Ellie argues. “I mean, the footage doesn’t lie.”
“I still think you should watch all the episodes,” Sydney tells me. “And make a decision for yourself.”
Lucy huffs out an exasperated breath. “Why would you say that, Sydney? I know you don’t know Beck and Jordan as well as the rest of us but just, don’t stir up shit when they’re so happy together.”
“If it were me, I’d want to know. That’s all I’m saying.”
Lucy looks ready to keep arguing so I try to intervene. “Look, I already told you Beck talked to me about how some girls came on to him and he figured the producers would make it look like he was messing around with them. That was before the episodes even aired so he didn’t have to tell me anything.”
“Right, but weren’t you guys on a break then anyway?” Sydney asks. “So he didn’t make any promises to you during that time. Like, maybe once he realized you wanted him back he had to cover his tracks.”
Lucy growls beside me. “Sydney, really?”
“Yeah, Syd, what’s your problem?” Ellie asks.
“I just don’t think it’s right you guys saw all the episodes and aren’t telling her anything. She’s going to find out eventually, don’t you think it should be from her friends, or from watching it herself, instead of right before she drops into a half pipe or something?” Whoa. That hits close to home. Her implication is clear. I’m unstable and eventually I’ll lose my shit and hurt myself when the truth comes out. Because I won’t be able to handle it, whatever it is. Goosebumps break out on my skin even under the hot July sun. Is she right? Do I need to pull my head out of the sand?
Zora and the others are going back and forth, all seemingly looking out for my best interest, protecting me. There’s that faint buzzing as their voices start to sound muffled, and I recognize the feeling immediately. But this time, I refuse to let it bring me under. It’s time I start looking out for my interests too. My friends are well-intentioned, but at the end of the day, I need to decide how to protect myself.
“You know,” I say, bringing the bickering to a halt. “You’re right, Sydney. I should watch the other episodes. That way I’m prepared if someone throws it in my face later.”
All four girls stare at me in silence, and I can feel their surprise. No one knows what to say. Is it so out of character for me to confront this kind of thing head on? As I lie back on my towel, signaling I’m done with this conversation, I have my answer. Yes. I usually wait until it’s too late to ignore a problem before dealing with it. Well, it’s time to change that. It’s time to confront the hard stuff before it takes over and gets in my head. I might be shaking a little inside at what I’ll see on those episodes and how they might haunt me. But somehow, it feels like I just gave my anxiety a swift kick in the ass.
As I sense my friends exchanging looks and wondering what to do or say, I decide to let them in on one more thing I’ve been too scared to tell them.
“See, I want to get back to competing sometime. And if all my competitors and the spectators have seen the episodes and I haven’t, it will stress me out. Sydney’s right. If someone mentioned something about it right before I dropped in at a contest, it’d mess me up if I didn’t know what they were talking about. Better to know ahead of time.” I say all this while lying on my back, eyes closed. It’s weirdly empowering, sharing my hopes to compete again. It makes it real somehow.
Beck
“Jordan’s not coming?” It’s the first thing Mom asks when we walk through the door.
“No, sorry Mom. She decided she wants to watch all the episodes beforehand.”
Mom gives me a sympathetic smile and pats my cheek. “She’s a brave girl. Don’t worry, she’ll see right through the ploys. I know she trusts you. That’s never been an issue between you two.”
“I can’t decide what’s worse, you or Jordan watching those