A Brambleberry Manor Christmas - Rosie Green Page 0,4
no idea…
‘Sensible,’ he says, as I lean round to brush the back of my skirt. ‘Although it can be good to let yourself go sometimes.’
‘You think so?’ I swallow hard, avoiding his eye. ‘In my experience, letting yourself go only leads you to places you wish you’d never gone.’ I look down awkwardly at my scruffy shoes.
It’s true that the last time I ‘let go’ and tried to be the life and soul of the party (fuelled by a few pints of wine), it was a minor disaster, and my whole world came crashing down around me soon afterwards. The events of last Christmas will haunt me forever, however much I try to block it from my mind.
The minor disaster in question happened at Harvey’s company Christmas party. As usual, I was dreading it…the thought of mingling with lots of high-flying bankers and their other halves, who always seemed to have fascinating lives and be able to chat knowledgably about current events and politics. (I could just about remember, on a good day, which party were in power.)
I’d been feeling for months that Harvey was losing interest in me, so in order to give me the confidence to appear more interesting and witty at the party, and make him proud of me, I decided to have a few drinks at home before we left. The trouble is, drink and I don’t really mix, and after another few vodkas at the party, I was starting to see double and talking to pot plants. I have a vague recollection of having an amusing conversation with one of Harvey’s male colleagues about the benefits of stockings over tights, before Harvey made his apologies to everyone and led me firmly away. I remember protesting that I was really enjoying myself and that I really loved all of his friends. Then I threw up in the taxi on the way home and woke up next day with the hangover from hell, made a hundred times worse because I was feeling so wretched about my behaviour at the party.
Harvey’s attitude towards me after that night slipped from cool to sub-zero. And for a long time, I couldn’t think about that awful night without flushing bright red, even if it was just me in the room. But over the past year, I’ve gradually realised I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. I’m a good person, loyal and kind. I’m never going to set the world on fire with my dazzling personality or my devastating charisma. Harvey was one of those people who could light up a room just by walking into it. That will never be me, but it’s okay.
The world needs ordinary people.
Ordinary is good…
‘Are you okay?’
Noah is watching me, and I manage a nod.
‘You look pale. Are you sure you’re all right after our…collision?’
I take a breath. ‘Yes. Yes, I’m fine.’ I point upwards. ‘Melanie’s getting ready to come down again.’
‘Earplugs at the ready, then.’ He grins, his gaze remaining on me, and we both move to the side. ‘Hang on. You’ve got a leaf…’ He reaches over and I feel his fingers brush my hair at the temple, a sensation that does odd things to my legs.
‘Thank you.’ I smile up at him, transfixed by the deep blue depths of his eyes and the faint, deliciously manly scent of his shower gel or cologne, and the world seems to stand still just for a moment.
Then Melanie yells, ‘Here I come!’ And we both turn to watch as she flies along the wire, screaming her head off in pure delight.
Stumbling over at the bottom, she gasps, ‘Oh, my God, that thing is amazing!’ She smiles at me. ‘Hi, there. I’m Melanie.’
‘Jenny.’ I smile back. She has a joyful energy about her, a bit like a child’s, and I warm to her immediately.
‘Jenny’s providing the food this week,’ says Noah, by way of explanation.
‘Ooh, lovely. This week is such a lovely treat. Lovely food, lovely people and the fact that it’s the festive season as well just makes it super-extra…’ She shakes her head, fumbling for the best word…
‘Lovely?’ says Noah with a straight face, and she laughs and playfully punches his arm.
‘It’s just like old times, isn’t it? Me making a plonker of myself and you constantly taking the Michael.’
He grins. ‘But you like it really.’
She smiles at him, her eyes sparkling, and their affection for each other is clear.
Noah suddenly looks at his watch. ‘Don’t you have a meeting, Jenny?’
Panic surges up.
I’m going to