“It’s killing us both,” I say, pushing myself up to standing. “Seeing you dancing with some guy—I wanted to fucking kill him—” I take a deep breath. Let that shit go. You don’t own her. “I need to tell you about Willow.”
She takes a seat near the window and I pace around the room, wanting to go to her to hold her, but I need to get this all out. “Growing up, our mothers were best friends and Willow’s family was always around, hanging out, having dinners. We even took vacations together. When I turned sixteen, we went from friendship to sex to what I thought was love. But we were just kids.
“My mom passed away right before Christmas and then Willow told me she was pregnant a few weeks later. Two huge things slammed into me and I handled it like I do all things—I pushed it away and withdrew to figure it out. Should I marry her and come to HU and wait for her to graduate high school? Should I give up college hockey and stay with her? Should we get an abortion? What was I going to say to her parents? I wanted to do the right thing so bad, but I also wanted to play hockey. All of it freaked me out, and I didn’t show up to meet her at a party one night. I told Reece to take care of her, said I’d be there later. I was on my way when I came up on the cops and her car.”
Sadness washes over me, but I power through, clearing my throat.
“Listen to me, Sugar. I never felt for her the way I do you, not even a sliver of the same emotion. She isn’t you. Yes, you favor with the hair and similar features, but put you two side by side and it’s not even close anymore. Her eyes were brown. Yours are blue. You’re vastly different. It’s like me and Reece—we look alike, but once you know us, we are so different. I mean, can you tell the difference between the two of us?”
She nods and looks out the window. “You said you loved her forever. You said how different your life would be if she were here.”
I nod. “And it would be. I’d probably have a kid and be married…I think obligation would have made me do what I thought was right. I wrote those letters—hell, I lied to her to let go of the grief.” My voice shakes. “Grief is a strange, terrible thing, Sugar. It rips you up inside.”
Varying emotions flit across her face. For once, she’s impossible to read, and my hands ache to touch her, to hold her and sooth those worry lines off her face.
“How am I different?”
I huff out a laugh. “You’re tall, feisty, a bit of a sexual deviant, quirky to the point of awkwardness, and a sugar fiend. You’re fucking perfect.”
She chews on her lip. “But when you saw me at the Kappa party…”
“You looked like her, it’s true, and it stunned me, but you were the girl in that bathroom. You were the girl I kissed out on that porch. Willow and I…we were just teenagers, and we never had the emotional connection you and I do.” I sigh. “The day you showed up at my house with the pie, it took me a minute to process the resemblance, but as soon as you smiled, it was all you. Your hair, your lips, your face. I never meant to fall for someone who resembles her, but you…you were irresistible. I didn’t feign interest in you for therapy or to work out my guilt. I did it because I couldn’t resist you. I love you.” I’m breathing hard, my chest heaving. What if this isn’t enough…what if…
She gets up and comes to me, and I exhale as she leans her head against my shoulder. Her arms curl around my waist, and the feel of her against me, the scent of her hair in my nose…I’m home.
“Sugar?”
She shakes her head, her face buried in my chest, and she sniffs.
“Don’t cry, please, babe—shit—fuck, I called you babe.” I suck in a breath, my arms tight around her. “Sugar, I’m sorry, so damn sorry I couldn’t come to you sooner and didn’t tell you the moment I knew I should have. I was just so scared. I tremble at the idea of you rejecting me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my