The Boy Who Has No Belief - Victoria Quinn Page 0,5
Christmas.”
Fuck, I was gonna cry.
“Derek did pretty well with it until she passed away. It just stirred up all those old feelings, and I think now that she’s gone, he can never really confront her about anything. He’s always struggled with it, and whenever Derek asked about her as a child, we always made up stories to tell him. But when he stopped asking…we knew he’d figured it out. And that was just so hard for Deacon and me to watch, to witness this perfect little boy have to deal with that kind of abandonment. I know he and I are close, that he knows I love him as if I carried him for nine months, but I can never fix that.”
I inhaled a deep breath, feeling like shit, understanding his sudden outbursts and coldness a little more. “He says he doesn’t want to have kids.”
“A lot of men say that until they meet the right woman.”
“But it makes me wonder if he’s afraid he’ll be a terrible parent the way she was, and that that’s what his issue is.”
She shrugged. “He’s the only one who knows that answer. But I know he’s never been able to let anyone in again since Tabitha.”
“Who’s Tabitha?”
She turned quiet, like she knew she’d said too much. “I assumed he’d already told you…”
“He’s mentioned he was in a relationship ten years ago, but every time I ask him about it, he says he doesn’t want to talk about it.”
She gave a slight nod. “He’ll come around, eventually.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t press her for more information because Derek deserved to be the one to tell me—whenever he was ready to do so.
“Deacon and I were really excited to hear about the two of you. There’s been no one in a really long time, and you make him really happy. I think you can put your faith in that. I know you’re scared to expose your daughter to him, get your own heart broken, but Derek will get there. You just have to be patient.”
“I’d wait forever for him.” The words came out all on their own like instinct. I knew Cleo was his mother, but it was impossible not to speak to her like a confidante, as if she were a good friend of Derek’s or something.
Her eyes softened.
“I’m in no rush anyway,” I whispered. “I was going to wait until my daughter was out of the house before I found someone, so…I can wait. I do fantasize about something happening sooner, the three of us being a family, but I know Derek is nowhere near that right now.”
“I don’t think he is either.”
I already felt myself falling for him—and falling fast. My heart had softened for him a long time ago, but now that we were together, making love, being completely vulnerable with each other, that connection was deepening at an astonishing rate. I suspected time passed differently for him, but for me, it was going at the speed of light.
“Deacon and I would love to meet Lizzie. But I suspect we should wait for Derek to meet her first.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to confuse her.
“What’s she like?” She grabbed her mug and took a drink. “Do you have any pictures?”
I chuckled as I pulled out my phone. “Do I have any pictures…” I opened an album that just had her pictures, from when she was a baby until now. It was a digital photo album that I could look at any time I was down and needed a pick-me-up.
Cleo took the phone and scrolled through, smiling and saying, “Aww…” every few seconds.
“She’s really bright, but she’s got a feisty attitude. She’s no-nonsense, insists that she needs more independence, plays soccer and softball, says Derek is hot…when she’s waaaay too young to be saying that sort of thing. It makes me realize how little time I have left with her.”
“She knows about Derek?” She kept flipping through.
“She knows he’s my boss but not that we’re together. But she teases me about being with him. Calls him sexy smarty-pants…”
She chuckled and handed the phone back. “She sounds like fun.”
“She is. I’m dreading the moment when boys become a reality.”
“I bet. She’s beautiful.”
“I know…” I was full of both pride and dread.
She drank a few sips from her coffee, her eyes down as she was thinking. “You know, I have an idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Derek struggles to have spontaneous conversations with people, as you know. But when he’s teaching or working on something, it’s a lot easier for him to