The Boy Who Has No Belief - Victoria Quinn Page 0,106

I was attracted to you the moment I laid eyes on you. But I didn’t give it to you because you had some girl over the night before, and I was so jealous and so hurt that I realized it was a bad idea to go down that road, to get involved with my boss and think it wouldn’t be complicated. So, I never gave it to you.”

His eyes narrowed on my face, still livid.

“I’m sorry that I invaded your privacy. I understand why you’re angry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have read it. I should have closed out of it and told you that all of your documents were being shared with me—”

“So, every time I wrote something, it updated you, and you opened it and read it like a fucking newsletter subscription. Emerson, this was going on and on, and you kept it to yourself. Fucking wrong.”

I bowed my head, my heart racing. “Derek, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable.”

“No, you embarrassed me. You played out the fantasies I wrote about, and I thought it was genuine—”

“It was genuine. I didn’t do that as an act. I did it because I wanted to, and I liked it.”

He looked away and rubbed his jawline.

“Derek, I feel like you’re overreacting because you’re in a dark place—”

“Wow.” His hands moved to his hips. “So, your response is to belittle my feelings. You invaded my privacy and read my most private thoughts. Emerson, we weren’t two people in love at that point in time. I was your boss, and it took me so much courage to let you into my home to do things outside of my presence. To know you knew exactly how I felt about that and you invaded my privacy like that is fucking wrong.”

I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t know how to undo what I’d done. “Derek, I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“No, you aren’t. If you were sorry, you would have come clean to me about it. But you were going to carry this lie forever.”

“Because that girl was in your penthouse, so I didn’t want to give you my story—”

“And after that?” he demanded. “What about the months and months after that? Emerson, if you’d told me the truth, I would have appreciated the honesty, and our trust would be intact. But you didn’t do that.”

“Okay, I should have done that.”

“But you didn’t. Bottom line—you didn’t.”

“What are you saying?” He wasn’t going to end things because of this, right? “Derek, I didn’t cheat on you or do something sinister or manipulative—”

“Trust is a big fucking deal to me, Emerson. I wanted to be in this relationship because I found someone I could trust implicitly. I found someone who would always be honest with me, who would always have my back, who would be absolutely transparent with me. I don’t accept lies.”

“I didn’t lie—”

“You lied by omission, and these excuses aren’t helping your case.”

“They aren’t excuses, Derek. Look, I apologized and I meant it. Can you please forgive me so we can move on?”

He stared me down, his eyes devoid of all emotion.

“Derek?” I could not lose him over this. After everything we’d been through, this could not be the thing that broke us. “I love you with my whole being, and you know that.” My eyes started to water when I wished they wouldn’t. “I love you…in a way I can’t even explain. I’d give my life for you. I made a mistake, just like you’ve made mistakes, and we need to forgive and forget. Okay?”

He shook his head. “I don’t forgive you. I’m still mad. I’m still really fucking mad.”

My eyes started to water more.

“But I’ll move on…because I don’t know what else to do.”

I closed my eyes automatically, feeling the rush of relief his words gave me. It was a fight, a fight that divided us, but not a fight that would break us.

He pulled back his sleeve and looked at his watch. “We’ve got to go. If we don’t leave now, we’ll never make this stupid fucking dinner.”

29

Derek

The wedding rehearsal was on the rooftop of Ryan’s building.

It wasn’t as fancy as mine had been, but it reminded me of that night. There were no strands of lights and big vases of flowers, and the air was cold rather than warm, but it was still under the night sky—and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I knew Ryan would have done something else if he could afford it,