I collide with Maddox, one hand on his arm, the other angling the knife and sinking it down into his chest. It takes effort, his skin and muscle resisting, but they give way as he stumbles back against the front door, reaching for me, one hand digging into my side as we sink to the floor.
I vaguely register that means he could still have the gun in his other hand, but I can’t think about anything but how good it fucking feels to do this. To get rid of one more demon that broke apart my world. My husband’s world. Jeremiah’s. My brother’s.
I make to pull the knife out, blinking as I register the blood, the fact that my body is pressed against his naked one and I want to puke, but just as I go to yank it out, I feel something warm against my belly.
Beneath my shirt.
Maddox’s other hand is still around my waist, and I smell his sweat. Hear his laughter rumble through his chest, one hand still above his heart, the other clenched around the knife.
But I’m frozen.
Leaning against him, blood oozing around the blade, I force myself to look up. To meet his gaze.
And with his hand around my arm, barrel of the gun to my stomach, I can’t move.
Behind me, I hear nothing.
Sense nothing.
It’s just me and Maddox, locked in some sick sort of standoff, too close to one another. So close, I want to fucking puke.
His lips pull up into a sneer, and I think about how much his eyes are just like Maverick’s, maybe his hair, too, but there’s nothing else about my brother that reminds me of this sick fuck of a man.
I notice too, though, his skin is turning pale.
Sickly.
I didn’t stab near his heart, on the wrong side, but it’s getting to him all the same. Even so, I know it doesn’t take much effort to pull a fucking trigger.
My throat feels like it’s closing up as his fingers dig into my waist.
“You’re a fucking bitch,” he says, and I hear the floor creak behind me. His eyes dart past me, narrowing into slits. “Don’t. I think we all know by now it’s in my best interest that Sid Rain is dead and buried. If you keep coming, you’ll only give me more incentive to put her out of my misery.”
“How could you?” I ask him, taking the attention off whoever is moving at my back.
He seems to slump more fully against the door, and I shift with him, the gun warm against my skin, just over the J carved into my flesh.
Something like grief seems to take over from my anger, the adrenaline leaving my body, a bone deep heartache in its wake.
It would’ve been nice to have a parent who cared. It would be nice to know what it means to love. Really love. I don’t regret things I’ve done, who I am. But that security some people feel in the arms of their parents? I think that would have been really nice.
Me, Jeremiah, Lucifer? We didn’t get that. We never got any of that.
“How fucking could you?” I ask him again, my grip on the knife sweaty, my heart thundering beats of agony in my chest.
Maddox just stares at me, his lips growing pale too.
“You just gave me up?” I ask him, my voice breaking. “You gave me up, and you let them…” I take a shaky breath. “You let them keep Jeremiah in that…that fucking cage?” I search his eyes for any sign of regret. Remorse.
And I think I see it.
His features seem to soften, his brows raised, mouth pulled down into a frown instead of a sneer. His hold on me doesn’t let up, and that gun is still to my belly, but he seems to be…breaking.
“Did you ever regret it?” I whisper quietly, because I have to know. Before one of us dies, I have to know if all that pain he caused me, caused Jeremiah…all in the name of some pedophile ring for a cult with too much fucking power that still felt the need to corrupt the only people that can’t fight back, I need to know if he ever got a bad night’s sleep over it. Over me. Jeremiah. “Ever wish you could take it back?”
He stares at me for a long moment.
I think I know the answer by the haunted look in his eyes. With my hand on his arm, the other on the