Bourbon Nights - Shari J. Ryan Page 0,79

side and curl my body around hers. I embrace her as if she’s a part of me.

“You wanted to have dinner at a restaurant so you could take advantage of me later?” I ask.

Melody turns to her side and traces a circle around the eagle, globe, and anchor Marine emblem tattooed on my chest. “No,” she says.

“I think I’m confused.”

“Do you remember a conversation we had a couple of months ago—we were lying here just like this?”

I think back, realizing I am a lucky son of a bitch to have a wife who enjoys sex at least four times a week. “I—ah—there have been a lot of times,” I say with a soft laugh.

“There have been a lot of times, which means I don’t know how pregnant I am, but I am most definitely pregnant. I was going to tell you at dinner tonight.”

My lungs feel like they’re collapsing. I can’t breathe, but tears return for the second time in one night after going years without losing control of my emotions. “Wait—you’re—”

“We’re having a baby,” she says.

After wiping my tears away with the back of my arm I smile as I stare into Melody’s eyes. She might think she knows every deep dark thought that goes through my head, but one thing I feared the most was something I never talked about. I’ve been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to have a child because of the amount of crap I endured overseas. I hoped. I know a lot of the men that served alongside mer have gone on to have families, but the living conditions were so bad and I didn’t know what I was ingesting. I was tossed around from the rumblings of nearby grenades and wondered if parts of me had been injured. I didn’t know, and it’s been a fear of mine, a silent fear. I thought maybe that’s why I was given Parker. “We’re having a baby,” I repeat in a whisper, placing my hand on her stomach.

“Parker will finally have a baby sister or brother just like she’s been begging for since before we got married,” Melody says, giggling.

“The perfect family,” I say. Perfect. I’m not perfect, but hopefully I’m capable of contributing to the part of my life that is.

“I threw the word perfect out the window before I met you, Brett. I told you about my silly white-picket-fence dreams, how shallow they were in comparison to what life is really about. If we never had a baby together, I still have the perfect family; you, me, and Parker. Now, it will be even more perfect.”“Lucky,” I repeat.

“Tonight, a mistake was made, but we’re not going to remember this day for a mistake. We’re going to remember tonight for the good news, for the new adventure, and for a wish coming true. Tomorrow, we’ll look for help, and the day after that, we’ll start working together to get better. We’re in this life as a unit, and we’re going to stay this way no matter what.”

There is more I have to tell her. There’s more I have to say, but it can wait. There are other parts of me that tick when she’s not watching, and I owe her that honesty. I owe her the truth. The monster inside of me needs to be killed so I can be what she needs, what Parker needs, and what our unborn child will need.

Tonight wasn't a breaking point like Melody might think. I just slipped and acted on an urge I couldn’t control. I’m not sure I can be fixed with therapy or any medical interventions, but I have to find a way out of my head before I fall too far and fail my entire family. It’s all on me. I have to fix this.

25

When I wake up from a nightmare, I can shake it off most of the time. When I wake up from a stupid mistake, I know it will stick to me like humidity on a hot Carolina day.

“I was thinking,” Melody says, turning over in bed. Our mornings typically start with Melody thinking out loud. I tease her about it, but I wonder if her brain ever stops.

“No way?” It’s my usual response, followed by pinching her cute nose.

“You remember the letters … ” she says.

The letters—our first real argument—the elephant in our corner closet. I’m not sure how I’d forget about “the letters.”

“Did you think I forgot?” I ask sweetly.

Melody wraps her hair around her ears and gives me