“But I don’t want to talk about her.” He kisses my shoulder. “I try not to think about her too much.”
I’m speechless, and suddenly feel mildly nauseated. There’s someone else. Not only is there a beautiful ex-wife in the picture, but there’s also a mysterious woman, a woman he clearly loved more than his wife. And what am I? Just a fun distraction?
“I should get back to work,” I tell him. “Playtime is over, Mr. Boss Man.”
He eyes me curiously, confused.
He’s still frozen as I head off and wave goodbye. I turn the corner, and remind myself that this is supposed to be fun. It’s just sex. Yet, I’m already falling. I’m already jealous. I really am no good at this at all.
14
An hour later, I receive an email from him.
Dear Gretchen,
I hope you are enjoying your day.
I very much enjoy having you around, and despite playful appearances, I’m not eager to receive your design concepts. Take as much time as you need.
I’ve been enjoying our playtime tremendously, and I look forward to much more naughty play with my grasshopper.
Can you join me for lunch again today? I’m making roast beef sandwiches.
I want to apologize if I’ve said anything to offend you during our last playtime. You left rather abruptly, and you were unlike yourself. I love seeing your beautiful smile, and wouldn’t want it to disappear. It’s one of the things I look forward to every day.
Looking forward to spending more time with you.
Sincerely,
Weston (a.k.a. Mr. Boss Man)
Damn, his words get to me. But I’m still very upset. And I hate myself for it. This has barely started, and I’m already letting my emotions get the best of me. I decide to skip the roast beef sandwiches and head to my place for lunch instead.
Since Ethan is at daycare from ten to three, I’m all alone, eating a sad bowl of canned soup and an apple. Part of me regrets not accepting Weston’s lunch offer, but I was just too upset. I needed a long pause to remind myself to keep it together. I cannot, under any circumstances, fall for the man. He will only hurt me.
I stare at the wedding ring on my finger. Donovan is my only true love, and always will be.
Samuel and I are stifling laughs as Charmaine goes on about her recent issues with flatulence. She is a chatty Cathy, the queen of too much information. Well, I guess that kind of thing comes with the territory of getting older. Everything starts to let go, and you don’t mind talking about it. The older we get, the less discreet we get.
When the meeting is finally over, Samuel and I orbit toward each other as we usually do. If we’re not careful, the other grievers will start to talk. “You want to go for coffee again?” he asks, and I can tell he really wants me to say yes.
“Sure,” I say casually. I really enjoy chatting with him. He’s my only male friend, and it’s a nice change. I’m so used to chatting with the girls about shows on Netflix, fashion, men and relationships. The dynamic with Samuel is completely different.
I suppose there’s also Weston, but I consider him my boss and my lover, not really my friend. We chat over lunch, but I can usually only focus on about half of what he says because all I’m thinking about is sex.
Samuel and I settle down with our coffees and chat about our lives. I don’t talk much about my job, preferring to chat about Ethan. He regales me with funny anecdotes about his dating life, and I’m glad I’m not part of that whole scene.
“I was wondering…” he says suddenly. “If you’d like to go to dinner sometime.”
Oh, damn, there it is. This isn’t just coffee. This is a date. He wants more than this, more than friendship. I can’t offer him more. Yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not drawn to him the way I am to Weston. “Uh… sure, I’d like to have dinner sometime, but as friends,” I clarify. “I’m just not ready for another relationship yet.” Or ever.
His face falls. “Sure… I get it. We can just go as friends. I understand.”
I feel bad, but I don’t want to lead the man on. He’s a nice guy, and I don’t want to waste his time.
“You like Mexican?” he asks.
“Sure.”
He smiles. “Mexican, it is then.”
I smile back, and I have the nagging feeling that he hasn’t quite