Bootycall 2 - J. D. Hawkins Page 0,37
man. “You need to stop fighting, Dylan. I give you permission. You can let go.”
My head thumps and swirls, feeling so light that the gentle breeze makes me sway. My mouth goes dry, and I have to force myself to breathe. Something swells in me, powerful and long-dormant, a beast that I’ve been keeping caged for a long time, that’s been growing stronger and stronger, somehow fighting now to escape, to be released…taking the weight of years of pain and loss and grief with it.
I raise my hand to cover hers, still pressed against my chest. I touch the smooth skin, the delicate fingers, carefully and slowly, as if cautious not to sully them with my own rough, firm touch.
“Think of all the people you’ve hurt because of this, Dylan. All the people that you’ve pushed away and treated badly. You’ve spent so long worrying about what you did to Cal that you’ve been doing the same thing to other people over and over again.”
“Like I did to you,” I say.
I notice her gulp slowly.
“Yeah. Like you did to me.”
I brush her cheek with the back of my other hand, and she smiles slightly as she presses up against it.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say, dropping my head. “Sometimes I look at myself and…I see Cal. The way he was towards the end. Just always looking for something to ease the pain. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking the same path he did. Treading in his footsteps.”
“Oh, Dylan…you’re not. You just—”
“I am, though. And I don’t know how to get out. How to do things differently.”
She takes my face again in her hands, and brings her lips to mine, gently. A tender, loving kiss. The kiss of someone who wants to share your pain.
“Then let me help you, Dylan. Let me in. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I almost shudder at the words. Almost fall to my knees. I didn’t know how much I wanted to hear them, but now that I have, it seems so fucking obvious that they’re the words I’ve needed to hear for a long time. A part of my soul seems to fall into its rightful place.
“Gemma.”
“Yeah.”
“Would you think I’m crazy if I told you I loved you?”
She breathes deeply a couple of times before speaking, and my heart ties itself into a knot in the silence before her answer.
“Yes.”
I hang my head, feeling like I just threw myself from the fiftieth floor.
“But I think I might be crazy too,” she adds, with a small smile. “Because I love you.”
I snort a laugh and we slowly wrap our arms around each other, pulling ourselves together slowly, like we’re taking care not to crush the beautiful thing between us. I kiss her, this time with love, with the firmness of a man who knows how special she is, a man who wants to change for her, a man who finally realizes she’s what he needs.
When we break apart, the kiss seems to continue inside of me, vibrating with a new kind of energy, a positive kind. An energy that makes me feel like I can take the world on.
“Why do I feel like I just transformed into a different man?”
“Maybe you have,” Gemma grins. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“If it means keeping you around, then no.”
She blushes, and I brush her hair over her ear for her this time.
“You might be the best thing that ever happened to me, Gemma. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to be without you.”
She laughs softly, her eyes shimmering in the dying rays of the sunset.
“Well, you don’t really have a choice. There’s still a month left of filming. And we’re behind schedule now.”
“Oh yeah. That.”
“Yeah. That,” she says, teasingly. “I’m supposed to be by your side at all times anyway. It’s in my contract, remember?”
“Yeah,” I smile. “I’m gonna see what I can do about getting that contract extended.”
We laugh and turn away from the sun, now in the final stage of its sinking trajectory, showing only its very top, in misted, fuzzy red waves that run along the horizon. It’s usually my favorite part, the few minutes just before the very end, but this time I’ve got something else to look at, something that I have a feeling won’t end at all.
Epilogue
Dylan
8 Months Later
Flashing lights, a sea of people screaming uncontrollably at the sight of me, swirls of glamorous colors and sparkles, a wall of psychedelic, overwhelming sight and sound. It used to make