of Amy’s comments. She could have been kinder to Linsey while still making her point, she mourned. She could have simply accepted the circumstances of her conception and kept a sense of proportion. She could have let Linsey stew for a while and then offered her forgiveness. But forgiveness for what? For being her mother? For loving her? Her head ached, and she either ate feverishly or picked at her food.
‘For goodness’ sake,’ Amy said. ‘You have to get out of the house. You can’t brood like this forever.’ This elicited a sharp retort and more tears.
‘Why don’t you see about re-enrolling in your course?’ Amy said at last. ‘It’s certainly what Linsey would’ve wanted.’
So Moss made a desultory effort to re-enrol for the following year and was mildly flattered by Dr Cuicci’s response to her enquiries.
‘Talent like yours should not go to waste.’ Dr Cuicci frowned. ‘But to succeed at the highest level you need more than talent. You also need discipline and an iron will. Do you have those qualities, Miranda?’
Moss didn’t know. ‘I’d like to think I did,’ she said with painful honesty, ‘but I need to sort out a couple of things before I can really commit.’ She had no idea what these things were; she just felt unable to make a decision.
Emilia Cuicci sighed. These young people with their dramas and busyness. I despair of them. ‘I will give you until the New Year to decide,’ she told her student. ‘Come to me by the first week in February. There are many other talents who wait for an opportunity like yours.’
Opportunity. The word now had a new layer of meaning. The little town beckoned and she was impelled to return. Her closest friends at the moment, she thought with surprise, were an old lady, a nutty visionary with sweaty hands, and her father, Finn, a man burdened with guilt. Perhaps she did have unfinished business there after all. She couldn’t explain this feeling to herself, let alone Amy, and simply told her mother that she had a few loose ends to tie up.
Amy was ashamed to realise that she was happy to see her go. When Moss was in the house, undercurrents, ripples and whirlpools disturbed the calm waters of her life. Moss was a lot like Linsey.
‘A good idea,’ she said when Moss announced her impending return to Opportunity. ‘You should call and warn them you’re coming this time.’
So Moss rang Mrs Pargetter, who was delighted to hear the news. ‘Moss is coming back, Errol, how about that?’
Errol’s delight shone in his eyes, quivered in his tail. The old lady opened the door to the room with the stoic little teddy bears, confirming the absence that had returned to occupy its every dark corner. The pain of her long-ago loss had been held at bay in that room, imprisoned behind the white-painted door. When Moss had arrived, the old lady was inexplicably moved to allow living light to enter and felt, for the first time in years, a desolate little spirit begin to move timidly towards her. It had withdrawn with Moss’s departure, leaving Mrs Pargetter to grieve afresh. She closed the door softly and sat for a while with Errol’s head on her lap.
When Moss arrived on the evening bus, Finn was at the stop to greet her. It was his Silent time, she noted gratefully. She swung her backpack down to his waiting arms, and when she alighted, stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek. He actually beamed, the down-drawn lines of his face relaxing, his expression suddenly youthful.
‘Good trip?’ he asked. ‘At least the train was on time for this visit.’ He fumbled with the straps of her backpack, trying to lengthen them to accommodate his broader shoulders. ‘We missed you—I missed you,’ he said diffidently, peering at the buckles as though they were marvels of innovation. ‘Mrs Pargetter and Sandy are back at her place for a sort of, you know, welcome home.’
Errol met them at the gate and, in a surprising display of agility, capered joyfully around Moss, tongue lolling, tail wagging frenetically.
‘Good boy. Good dog.’ Moss knelt and rubbed his head and ears with both hands. ‘Did you miss me too, Errol?’ Leaving her in no doubt as to the answer, the dog led her to the front door where Mrs Pargetter greeted her with a kiss.
‘I’ve got a nice lamb roast,’ she said. ‘Sandy brought the leg around specially.’