I could walk around and watch the rain and create my very own music video, and I was having a lot of fun before I noticed Michael Priaulx leaning against the entranceway. That was more than embarrassing. I know I’ve just said I don’t like boys but Michael is different, and you’ll see what I mean soon enough. He was wearing his usual black leather jacket that skimmed his waist and had padded bits at the shoulder and elbow, and his face and hair were glistening from the rain. His flames-motif crash helmet was tucked under his arm, and a shadow fell across his face as he walked inside. Some people think his head is too big for his shoulders, and that he’s slightly cross-eyed, but I swear he looks like Marlon Brando, even though I didn’t know who that was at the time. I tried to act all casual but my heart was doing bunny hops. I assumed that was because of the music video choreography (which, of course, I’d stopped).
Michael didn’t come close, but turned and squatted down, leaning his back against the tower wall. Then he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a homemade cigarette.
‘It’s pissing down. Hope I’m not interrupting.’
I realised his cigarette was not actually a cigarette as he lit it and blew smoke out towards me.
‘Those your mates down there?’
I nodded and realised I should try to say something.
I couldn’t.
Michael reached into his other jacket pocket and pulled out a can of deodorant. I was quite excited because I’d heard how people had hallucinatory visions after inhaling deodorant (or Tipp-Ex). I was disappointed when I realised it was spray paint. Michael stood up and scanned the wall behind him. There was a large-ish bright-red swastika bang-slap in the middle. He shook the can and wrote ‘The Nazis Won’. Only once he’d finished did he turn back to me.
‘Your dad said the swastika was an ancient Buddhist symbol before the Nazis used it. It meant being at one with the earth. I gatecrashed one of his Occupation Society tours. Fascinating, it was. He knew every little detail, which was kind of weird, don’t you think?’
I smiled encouragingly but also silently.
Michael held my gaze for a few seconds, then walked to the other side of the tower. He kept glancing out through the tiny windows at the rain, like he was willing it to stop. It made me think of the flea-bitten tiger trapped in its tiny cage at the Guernsey Zoo.
‘If you want,’ I said, ‘I can lend you some of Dad’s books. He knew everything about the German Occupation. It’s hard to imagine now what it was like for the islanders back then, to be cut off from the outside world and to have no weapons or way of fighting back.’
Michael smiled. ‘There’s always a way of fighting back.’
He’d stopped in front of the ladder that was bolted to the tower wall. I walked over to stand beside him and we were so close I could smell the leather of his jacket. Well, I think it was leather.
He was looking up. ‘You know what you see when you climb up there? Everything.’
I nodded and said things like ‘Wow’ and ‘Amazing.’
Michael sighed. ‘No it’s not. It’s fucking depressing.’
‘Oh,’ I tried to smile, ‘so I’m not missing anything? What a relief, because I’d be way too scared to ever climb up there. I’d be afraid of falling.’
Michael turned and narrowed his eyes enticingly. ‘Come on, I’ll show you.’
It was like he hadn’t been listening! He jammed the can of paint back into his jacket and started up the ladder. Of course I went straight after him. We climbed and climbed. The ladder was so rusty it scratched my hands. I was definitely scared but I didn’t look down or up, I just followed Michael as quickly as I could and thought about how relieved I’d be to get to the top.
I don’t know how long it took but when I reached the ledge where the ladder stopped I was flushed. Michael turned to face me and there we were – stranded on this narrow ridge of cement that runs all around the tower. It felt very precarious.
‘Be careful.’ He pushed me back against the wall. I tried to look as appealing as possible, like he could kiss me if he wanted to.
‘Go on. Turn around.’
I slowly turned and looked out of one of the square windows. It was terrifying to be so high up and