Bonus Kisses - Freya Barker Page 0,9

of which Nicky had dealt with, but early this morning I woke up to my niece sitting on the edge of the couch where I’ve been sleeping at night, her eyes on her sleeping mother on the other side of the room. She looked like she’d been crying for a while, but when I tried to comfort her; she shrugged me off and dismissed my offer to talk about it with a shake of her head before slipping back upstairs.

My parents had come by daily, my mother directing angry glares at me as if the current situation was one of my making. My dad looked lost and I had no clue how to make inroads with either of them.

Tonight they’re supposed to come by with dinner to spend some time with the kids, and I know it’ll be difficult because of what Nicky asked me this morning.

“I’ll try,” Rafe mumbles.

“Try harder,” I snap.

His eyes narrow on me. “Is there something I should know?”

“You mean other than your wife dying?” I hiss, stepping closer in hopes Nicky won’t overhear. “Because she is, you know. No matter how deep you choose to bury your head in the sand.”

“I’m not—” he starts, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.

“Give me a break,” I scoff, before handing him a dose of reality. “She told me this morning she thinks after today she’ll be ready for morphine, but doesn’t want me to give it to her.”

He looks confused. “Why?”

“Because she knows as well as you and I do what it means once we start with the morphine. She doesn’t want to put that burden on me.”

“Oh.” Realization steals over his face.

Morphine brings relief, but only covers up the underlying cause of the pain and discomfort of fluid collecting around the major organs when a heart pumps ineffectively. The inevitable side effect is unfortunately a slowing down of both breathing and heart rate. In short, morphine will speed up the dying process and my sister does not want me to carry the burden of administering it.

I brush impatiently at my eyes. “You need to call in palliative home care, and you need to be here when Mom and Dad show up for dinner.”

I stiffen when he suddenly reaches out and pulls me against his chest, his arms banding around me. “I’ll call and I’ll be here. I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Without conscious thought, my hands slip around him, grabbing onto the back of his shirt. I press my cheek against him and breathe in his scent. The comfort it provides painfully growing like a balloon in my chest.

Just like that I’m transported nine years back, the last time we stood like this. Me with hope in my eyes and my heart on my sleeve. His arms had felt safe then too, until my mother walked in and those same arms pushed me away. That hurt, but not as much as Mom’s anger. She yelled, telling me, in no uncertain terms, how horrible I was for throwing myself at my sister’s fiancé, especially with a baby on the way. That was the first I’d heard of the pregnancy. The information tore through me like a knife.

The memory still burns ugly.

Ashamed, I blow out a lungful of air through pursed lips and move my hands to his chest, pushing firmly. He releases me quickly and I step out of his hold.

“Taz…”

I ward off anything more he has to say with a raised hand. “Just be here, please. Okay?”

His answer is a sharp nod before he walks out the door. I press my eyes shut and deeply inhale through my nose.

“Taz?” I hear my sister’s voice calling from the living room.

I plaster a smile on my face as I walk in. “Hungry?”

It strikes me how much her appearance has changed, even in the past week. The lines and angles of her face stand out in stark contrast against the graying tinge of her skin. Her eyes are even more sunken and it’s almost like I can see death creeping in.

“Not really,” she says with an attempt at a smile. “I think I’ll save my appetite for dinner tonight. With a bit of luck, Mom’s making her macaroni and cheese.”

My mouth waters at the mention of our mother’s mac and cheese. She makes it from scratch with cream, three or four different cheeses, ham and bacon bits, and tops it with breadcrumbs for a crispy crust. At least fifteen thousand calories per serving, but tastier than any