Bonus Kisses - Freya Barker Page 0,19
give much thought to what I put on, something that used to drive my mother crazy. It probably still does.
Sofie comes out of the closet, carrying a pile of clothes in her arms and dumps them on the bed.
“It’s hard,” she announces, biting her lip.
“Do you want help?” Instead of answering, she nods. I spread the clothes out over the bed and step back, pointing at a navy, formfitted dress with three-quarter sleeves. The tag still attached. “What made you pick that?”
The girl shrugs. “Because she never had a chance to wear it and blue was her favorite color.”
“Fair enough. How about that?” I point out the pale pink, floral summer dress.
“She looks pretty in that dress.”
I note how my niece talks about her mother both in past and present tense. Something I’ve caught myself doing as well. “I can see that. It’s a very pretty dress.”
During our conversation, Sofie hasn’t stopped stroking the last outfit on the bed. A pair of dark gray lounge pants, a black ribbed tank, and a matching gray, fuzzy hoodie.
“Can you tell me about that outfit?”
She picks up the sleeve of the hoodie and puts it to her nose, tears filling her eyes. “It smells like her. She’d wear it around the house, and I’d like to snuggle with her: the hoodie is really soft.”
I reach over and pick up the sweater, rubbing the material against my cheek before giving it a good sniff. “You’re right. It smells and feels like her.” I try to smile at her through my own tears. “In which one do you think your mom would be happiest?”
“That one.”
As I expected, she points at the hoodie I’m holding and I pull her into a hug. Nicky’s sweater is caught in the middle, her scent drifting up around us.
“Perfect choice.”
Rafe is at the bottom of the stairs when we come down and takes the garment bag for Nicky from my hands.
“I see you found something.” He smiles at his daughter. “Good. Check in with your brother, he wanted to draw a picture for Mom. He’s at the kitchen table. Maybe you’d like to do one too?” She doesn’t answer but takes off for the kitchen. “I thought maybe they’d like to leave something with her,” he says, his eyes on Sofie’s retreating back.
“Good idea.” His eyes come to me and I suddenly feel awkward, a little unsure. “I hope you don’t mind, Sofie asked what she should wear for Friday, and I helped her pick something out.”
“That’s fine. I guess I haven’t really thought that far.”
“I hadn’t either,” I confess, thinking about Nicky’s brand new blue dress. “I don’t really have anything funeral appropriate.” The corner of Rafe’s mouth twitches as his gaze drifts down my length. It almost feels like a caress on my skin underneath the washed out Duran Duran concert T-shirt and ripped men’s jeans I’m wearing.
“I can see that,” he says, grinning now. “Suitable for a mosh pit, but maybe not church.”
“Anyway…” I drawl, a little irritated being the subject of his amusement. “Sofie suggested I wear this never-worn dress Nicky bought recently, but I wanted to check with you first.”
His face instantly blanks and he waves his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter to me. Use whatever you want. I’m gonna run out and drop this at the funeral home.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
I look over at my mom, who’s watching as the kids—each with a hand in one of Rafe’s—approach the casket.
“It’ll be okay.” I lightly touch her arm. “They wanted to give her the drawings they made themselves.”
Mom presses her lips together and leans against my dad, who is flanking her on the other side. I don’t even bother holding back my tears as we watch Rafe crouch down, putting an arm around each of his children. He lifts them simultaneously, stepping closer to my sister’s casket.
“She’s wearing my necklace,” I hear Spencer stage-whisper.
“Why don’t you put your drawings right by her hands.” Rafe’s low voice sounds rough as he leans forward so the kids can reach.
I suddenly have a moment of panic when a vision of one of the kids tumbling from Rafe’s hold hits me, and breathe a sigh of relief when he straightens up.
“I love you, Mommy.”
Sofie’s tear-filled voice rips my heart right out of my chest, and I shove my fist against my mouth to stifle a sob.
“Daddy, I have to pee,” her brother announces loudly, causing my father to chuckle. Rafe’s head swings around, smiling through