“One down, eleven to go, and if I do say so myself, the first leg went off without a hitch”—she patted her laptop case as if it were a cherished pet—“if you don’t count Team Five’s objections.”
“What were they objecting to?”
“Having too little time. Having no luck finding the cache. Having someone on their team named Bernice Zwerg. But I think my pep talk helped.” She flashed a self-satisfied smile. “I mentioned that Bernice was probably too modest to say, but she was the reigning champ of the two-yard dash at the Senior Center and probably had the fastest feet on the tour, so that gave them a huge advantage over the other teams.”
“And they believed you?”
“Bernice did. I thought one out of five was pretty good.” She switched gears to organizational mode. “I’ve developed a spreadsheet to keep track of all the contest statistics, Emily, so you’ll know at a glance where all the teams stand. Would you like to see it?” She fingered the zipper on her laptop case with an eagerness that bordered on lust.
“How about I wait until you enter more data?” I hedged. “That’s when things should get really intense, right?”
“They’re intense right now! Three teams are neck and neck in the time department, and if you don’t think that’s exciting, I’ll show you the line graph. It’s enough to take your breath away.”
I crooked my mouth, giving her a narrow look. “I’m not sure the scorekeeping thing needs to be so complicated, Mom. Can’t you just jot down who finds the cache and who doesn’t on a piece of notepaper and call it a day?”
She regarded me as if I had zucchini growing out of my ears. “I don’t see how that’s possible, Em. I’m planning a series of line graphs to illustrate comparisons, and I’m thinking about either bar graphs or pie charts for extraneous statistics. Do you have a preference? I could do both. It’d be no trouble at all. Or I could do a flow chart. They’re not as popular as they used to be, but—”
I held up my hand to cut her off. “Whatever works for you, Mom. I—”
“Or I could do a bubble chart. I’d have to buy another software program and spend some time installing it, but I’m sure I can find a computer store somewhere in Edinburgh.”
A tic began tap dancing beneath my eye. “Okay, here’s the thing. I just don’t want you to devote so much time to your contest duties that you miss out on the sights.”
“That’s not going to happen.” She paused, reconsidering. “But if it does, your father is videotaping everything, so I’ll get to see what I missed when I get home.” She threw her arms around me, giving me an exuberant hug. “I’m so happy you appointed me official scorekeeper, Em. Who knew I’d enjoy it so much?”
Nana had begged me to find an activity to occupy Mom’s time for the duration of the trip. As she had so artfully phrased it, “If Margaret don’t have nuthin’ to do except gawk at stuff, she’ll be on me like ice on an igloo, and I’m not forkin’ out the big bucks just so’s your mother can have an old person to babysit.” So I’d told Mom that if I could impose upon her good nature and ask her to accept the burden of monitoring the contest challenges, she’d free me up to spend some needed time with Etienne, for which both he and I would be eternally grateful.
Mom thinks Etienne is the perfect son-in-law. He speaks with a sexy French/German/Italian accent that’s a real hit back home, and unlike my first husband, who had a penchant for borrowing my lingerie, the only time Etienne is motivated to touch my underwear is when I’m actually in it. So, in theory, Mom took the job as a favor to Etienne, but in reality, she wanted the job because there’s nothing she’d rather do than be burdened.
The digital tone on Mom’s wristwatch beeped. “Have you seen your grandmother?” She frowned as she ranged a look around us.
“She went shopping.” Alarm suddenly fluttered in my stomach. “Why? What’s up?”
“I haven’t told her yet, but I’m putting her on a regimen of calcium and vitamin D to strengthen her bones. Chewables. In two fruity flavors. She doesn’t want to admit it, Emily, but she’s shrinking, so I figured since we were going to be traveling together anyway, the least I could do is