you’re right. I was just thinking about the inevitably of death.”
“That’s cheery,” she says with a snort. “Going through a rough patch, love?”
“You could say that?” I can’t help peeking at the baby in her arms. She’s still sleeping, tiny fists curled up next to rosy cheeks that match her romper. “She’s beautiful.”
“She’s my little rainbow after the storm,” her mother agrees. “You know, that’s the thing about life, you can look at the ruins and see everything that’s lost or you can pick up the pieces and make something beautiful.”
“What if there aren’t any pieces left?” I whisper, staring at the baby.
“Our pasts always leave us something to hold onto. Sometimes we just have to dig to find it,” she says, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “You’ll find it. Just keep searching your heart.”
She ruffles her son’s hair, and he looks up at her with wide, moon-eyes. “I can’t figure out what it says, Mummy.”
“Well, maybe next time,” she says to him seriously, winking at me. “Come along, darling.”
I watch them walk away, until they disappear into the next room. Maybe she’s right, and I’ve been thinking about this all wrong. I don’t need to decipher Sterling. It’s too late for that. But I need to understand what he left behind. I’m not the girl he met last August, and he’s not responsible for that. Not entirely. So I can keep standing here in the ruins, looking at what’s lost, or I can make something beautiful of what’s left.
I’m tired of being stuck in the past—any past. Making my way through the Great Court, I leave it behind, stepping out of the museum and into bright, spring sunshine. The rain is gone, wet sidewalks the only evidence of the storm. I reach the street and begin to walk. I have no direction in mind. Maybe I’ll choose to dig for those pieces Sterling left behind. Maybe I’ll just wait for life to hand me new pieces. For now, I can go anywhere I choose, and the sheer freedom of that is exhilarating.
I hit a busy street a block or two away from the museum and the smell of fish and chips wafts toward me from a small restaurant. The effect is instant. My mouth waters but instead of my stomach rumbling, I clasp a hand over my mouth and nose as my stomach lurches at the greasy scent. A few people near me move away, widening the space between us. I keep my hand over my nose and cross the street quickly to get away from the terrible smell. When I finally look around, daring to uncover my face, I’m on a residential street, safe from the smell of greasy restaurants and too many people. But the only thing besides row houses is a blinking green pharmacy cross.
Life is handing me another sign. I pop inside and an older man in a white coat calls out a greeting.
I swallow, trying to calm my stomach, which is still churning a little.
“Can I help you?” he asks.
“Yeah. I was walking and I smelled fish and now I think I need…” I wonder what the equivalent to Pepto Bismol is in the UK.
He looks me up and down, no doubt taking in my pale face, and chuckles. “I’ve got it.”
The man disappears behind the counter, and I wait at the register, pleased that the more time passes, the less queasy I feel. I’m digging out my wallet when he comes back and places a box on the counter.
I look at it and blink before laughing nervously. “Oh, I...no. I’m sorry I wanted something for my stomach.”
“Read you wrong! My apologies.” He pulls a bottle of chewable tablets out and replaces the box. “This should do it.”
He tucks the pregnancy test under the counter as it hits me as suddenly and fiercely as the smell had a few minutes ago.
“Actually…I’ll take that, too.” I pay for both quickly, shoving them into my purse as I try to get my bearings and make it back to the hotel, praying Ava and Poppy are still out flirting with Scottish boys. Praying that I’m wrong. Praying that I didn’t just find the piece of the past Sterling left behind.
11
Sterling
I never thought I’d come back here, but the devil must have a sense of humor because there’s no time to make it to New York before I head to the next part of training. Summer’s arrived in Valmont, and the campus is crowded with girls sunbathing