Blush - Jamie Brenner Page 0,86

feel as necessary as oxygen.

But unlike the night in the field when they were covered by darkness and in solitude, their morning meetings meant risking Leonard’s discovery when he made his rounds in the vineyard. Typically, Sadie would dash off quickly, just as the first morning light peeked into the room around the edges of the drawn shade. But today, she knew Vivian and Leonard were hosting lunch on the veranda, so she and Mateo had time to luxuriate in each other’s company for a few minutes. They lay side by side on the floor, holding hands, breathless.

“I think your mother knows about us,” he said, turning to her.

“What? No way. Trust me—the only thing she’s thinking about is the winery.”

“I don’t know. She definitely seemed to be looking at me in a weird way yesterday.”

“In what way?”

“In an ‘are you sleeping with my daughter’ way.”

Sadie laughed. She didn’t care if her mother knew. She wanted the whole world to know. Mateo was the one who was into secrecy. He didn’t want his father or her grandfather to find out, and she respected his wishes.

She asked him about his own mother, Maria Eugenia, whom she’d learned had left the winery after he went to college.

“She missed her mother and sisters back in Guatemala and was lonely here with my dad spending twelve hours a day in the field. It was frustrating for her, too, because she was from an agriculture family, but aside from your grandmother back in the day, all the workers here are men,” he said. “Like I said, it was her idea to use noncommercial yeast. Back home, she really contributes.”

“How often do you see her?” Sadie asked.

“We visit once a year, usually at Christmas. She used to come in August during fruit set, when the weather here is good, but we also have time before the intense workdays of harvest. But she hasn’t come for the past few years. She’s getting older, and I think she’s just waiting for my father to retire and come ‘home.’”

“Is that what he wants?”

“I don’t think so. This has been his home for forty years. He’s a citizen now. I never thought he’d actually leave. Leonard promised him Field House—that even after he retired, it would be his home. My father always believed he’d convince her to come back then. But with the sale of the winery, that’s never going to happen.”

“I feel terrible. My grandfather would never do this if it weren’t his only option.”

“He isn’t thinking about my father’s options. Or mine. If things are this bad, he’s known about it for a long time. We deserved a warning.”

Sadie’s stomach churned with guilt, and the fact that it was just guilt by association didn’t make it any less sickening.

“I think . . . I think they’re still trying to turn it around.”

“How? By meeting with the new buyer today?” She hadn’t given him that detail, and the omission must have seemed like a betrayal—like she was colluding with her family while keeping Mateo and Javier in the dark.

He pulled away from her. “I should get to work.”

She sat up, pulling on her T-shirt, trying not to feel rebuffed. She tried to get him to meet her eyes, but he busied himself getting dressed and then started arranging things on his desk.

“I’m not my grandfather, you know,” she said.

He didn’t look at her. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say. I know that.”

“So what, then? You just totally checked out.”

He sighed impatiently.

“It’s complicated, Sadie. That’s what I was trying to tell you from that first day. Look, I like spending time with you. I do. You’re smart and you care about things like art and you love your family and I know you think about things deeply. Not to mention the fact that I’m really, really attracted to you. But this . . .” He pointed back and forth between them. “It can’t go anywhere. And I don’t want you to get hurt. So let’s just quit while we’re ahead.”

She stared at him, waiting for him to dial that back—to say that wasn’t what he meant. She ached for him to look at her, to give her a sign that he was conflicted, that there was room for discussion. A terrible thought occurred to her: Was this a revenge thing? Her grandfather messed with his livelihood, so he was messing with her?

No. That wasn’t possible. Still, she felt stupid. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to.

She let herself out