He stared at me intently now, wondering where I was going with this.
“I tried so hard. The others would scream and cry and I sat there quietly, waiting my turn.” I paused and stared into the sky. “God, I was always waiting. Always.”
I went silent for a while, the only sound in the woods a bird warbling in the trees. Finally I worked up enough courage to speak.
“When I was little, maybe Marianne’s age, my family went for a hike in the woods. Nothing too serious, just a short hike up and back. My dad took us off the trail to a pretty little glen to have lunch, and I went off to play by myself. Sasha and Brittany were complaining of course, and so they left. And they forgot me.”
I laughed bitterly and wiped at my eyes. “They forgot me. How do you forget your own child? I was so young, I didn’t know where I was, and I was all alone in the woods, and I ran and ran, yelling for them, but no one came. It got dark, and I got cold, and I didn’t know what animals were out there making sounds. God, I was so scared.
“Just before it got too dark for me to see, a female wolf found me. I didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe she was a dog. A big white dog. She just walked around me for a while. And then she came up to me and sniffed me and licked my hands. And then she laid down right beside me, and that’s how I made it through the night.”
I sucked in a breath. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to tell. “When they found me the next morning, these stupid, stupid people they brought together for a search party, they woke us both up, and the female wolf—I think she wanted to protect me. Maybe she lost a cub, I don’t know,” I choked on a sob, “but she growled at them and they thought she was going to hurt me and I yelled at them to stop, but a man shot her. Shot her in the head and she died.” Hot tears rolled down my face and the pathway blurred. I stopped walking. “I was so angry. I yelled at them and screamed and threw rocks and they all stood around like a bunch of idiots and I ran up to that man and I bit his hand as hard as I could…”
For a few minutes I couldn’t speak. I remembered the mess of brain and bone scattered over the leaves, the dark blood matting her beautiful white fur. Sinking my teeth into the meat of the strange man’s hand. I remembered the taste of his blood. Finally I calmed down and continued.
“Then they took me home. And my parents were so happy and they paid so much attention to me and I felt so special…”
“Then why should you want to disappear?” Wolf asked, his voice quiet. He’d stopped as well, his full attention on me.
I laughed again, wiping my eyes and nose. “Because it didn’t last. For three months, I was their special girl, back from the lost woods. But then Sasha got into trouble with her antics and Brittany wanted things, and I was alone again. I was so angry at them for forgetting me, and then ignoring me again like nothing had ever happened. Like I hadn’t almost died and I hadn’t seen an animal killed right in front of my eyes when she was only trying to help. When my parents broke up, I thought that would be my chance to be important. For them to finally see me. Because I was one of their precious children. But I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal to them because nothing changed with my mother, and then my father remarried and I had a step-brother, Alex. And a boy meant a son for my dad.
“So finally I stopped trying. When I was old enough, I stopped trying to show them I was strong or special or smart. I mean, I kept doing good things for me, like getting good grades and all. But there were times when I would just walk away to see if anyone noticed I was gone. Just disappear, you know? Slip away when no one was looking. I did it to everyone. I did it to friends. I’d leave parties, walk home in the dark. Not the