Marie Sabian. “Am I dead?” she whispered, looking to him as he knelt beside her.
“Mostly. Your physical body has no heartbeat, no breath, no pulse, but you haven’t fully crossed over into the spirit realm. Your soul’s in limbo, for lack of a better term, which is how you came to be here in the Shadowlands.”
Her head pounded in a staccato rhythm and she groaned, massaging her temples. Memories pressed forward, demanding her attention, only to be replaced by others in an overlapping and confusing tapestry. “How did it happen? I mean, how did I die?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No. I remember being in an attic with someone.” A recent memory presented itself and she shuddered. “Peter—it was Peter. He attacked me, entered my mind.” A specter of pain rippled through her. “Oh, Daddy … he—” A choking sob replaced her words as the images playing in her mind fell into place and began to make sense.
Her father gathered her in his arms, holding her tightly while his own voice shook. “I’m sorry, Princess. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
Alex clung to him as painful sobs racked her. “He stole them,” she choked. “My memories. Destroyed them.”
He held on to her and let her cry.
After several minutes, her sobbing turned to faltering gasps and loud sniffles. “Why? Why would he do that?”
“Peter is insane, Princess. You can’t look for rhyme or reason with someone like him.”
False memories of a life with Peter played in vivid color, but a few memories of Varik subverted the counterfeit ones, flowing beneath the surface in shades of gray and creating a confusing mess in her head. It was as though she’d experienced two separate, yet parallel, lives: one with Varik and one with Peter. “How can I still have some of these memories of Varik as well as the ones Peter planted in my head?”
“The more powerful the memory, the harder it is to destroy. Plus you share a blood-bond with Varik. The bond will preserve some shared memories. It’s also why you haven’t crossed over to the spirit realm. Varik’s keeping you connected to the physical.”
Alex pushed away from him, wiping her eyes. “Am I stuck here? A lost soul—like you?”
He gave her a half-smile. “No, Princess, but you do have to decide if you want to cross over or go back.” He held up his hand to stop her from speaking. “Before you say anything, you should know if you cross over, the false memories Peter implanted will disappear. You’ll retain all your memories of the life you lived and of Varik.”
“If I choose to go back?”
“The memories Peter destroyed will be lost and those he gave to you will take their place.”
“But you said the bond will retain some of the memories. Will I ever recover those?”
“In time, perhaps, and with Varik’s help, but you should also know, Princess, the damage Peter caused was extensive. If you go back, you’ll only have a partial memory of Varik.”
“It’ll be like I’m blood-bound to a virtual stranger.”
He nodded.
She slumped against the headstone bearing her name. “I need time to think.”
Her father stood and sighed. “Of course, but don’t wait too long. The longer you’re away from your body, the harder the transition will be if you decide to return.”
Alex watched him walk away and disappear among a small stand of trees. She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her shins, and rested her head on her knees in an effort to hide from the predicament in which she found herself.
In order to retain her memories of Varik, she had to die. However, she could live out her life with him if she returned, but she would bear the false memories implanted by Peter. Regardless of her choice, she would lose Varik in some way, whether it was their past or their future.
Assuming they had a future. If she returned, she still faced a Tribunal inquiry. If they ruled against her and found her guilty of corruption, the verdict would carry an automatic death sentence. If she crossed over to the spirit realm now, there would be no inquiry.
But could she be so selfish? Wasn’t it better to answer to the charges and spend any remaining time with Varik, even if that time was spent getting to know each other again?
She raised her head and was surprised to see a young boy dressed in wet clothes sitting on the headstone across from her.